It has been a really rough week. I'm not going to sugar coat it.
I'll start at the bottom and work my way up.
Our 20 month old little man was sick this week. He woke up screaming at midnight with a 102.6 fever. Then he puked all over the sofa. It's cream. His puke, was not. THAT was fun. He slept in our room for two nights and had such a momma cling on him that I couldn't even put him down. He has NEVER been like that. He's a daddy's boy. No idea what was wrong with him. Fever was almost gone in 24 hours and he's doing fine now. He's finding all sorts of new words and things to say, and he despises pancakes, but LOVES cake, and plums too.
Next kid up, my nearly 7 year old son. He has SERIOUS issues. (ADHD, Bipolar and now ODD have been the Dx so far) He finally got seen by a new psych here in Texas this week since our move. He's been un-medicaited since May. The pharmacy doesn't stock his new medication, so they have to order it. They still haven't called and it's been five days. We are going to do combination med-therapy on him, in addition to individual therapy for him. We are also going to be starting family therapy after the baby comes. We have had a really hard time functioning as a family unit, for a variety of reasons. It is unbelievably difficult to 'blend' a family, while having a crazy child and not losing your mind. Please, factor in my pregnancy hormones LOL Let's not even get into the fact that he has been stealing protein mix out of dad's container at night, and shit himself in the middle of the night this week and got poop all over the bathroom too. Or that he also wiped his shitty little fingers all over the bedroom walls, the sheets, the blankets, the pillows and the carpet in his room. Yeah, that was a FUN night.
It's my daughter's birthday today. She's 9 this year. She's been ill for the last two days. Her tummy hurts. She has diarrhea. She went to bed early, on her own, last night and she didn't eat her breakfast this morning. I'm going to put off buying her cake for a few days, until she's feeling better.
My oldest son had been sick for going on three weeks. I finally had a panic attack about this persistent cough he's had, and took him to the peds. I thought he might have whooping cough. He doesn't. He had walking pneumonia. He had to have a breathing treatment twice in the office. He was on meds, steroids and an inhaler for a week....then he had some chest x-rays which came back perfect. He's still using the inhaler. The ped thinks he might have combination asthma and allergies. If he's still using the inhaler in two weeks, I need to take him back in to see the ped. He seems fine now and the insane coughing has subsided.
The man has been ill for a few days now too. Upset tummy, cough, irritated throat, body aches....basically the whole 9 yards and a little of what everyone else in the house has had.
I've also been extremely sick. Last week my perinatologist gave me a zpack, like they put my son on for his walking pneumonia. I've had the exact same symptoms that he's had, so I was hopeful that meds would be the end of it. It wasn't. I couldn't breathe. At all. I dug through the closet, in full out panic, only to find two empty inhalers and one expired. That's how infrequently I have needed those babies. Ended up using the expired one and still didn't get better. I was coughing until I puked and nearly peed myself every time. The coughing caused some uterine irritability and I began having a lot of contractions. I had to go see a regular doctor through my OB's group practice. He said that I have something known as reactive airway disease. I've also got horrible allergies to whatever happens to be floating around here in Texas' air. And bronchitis. He gave me a steroid and some nasal spray. The steroid knocked me straight out after I took it, and then I pretty much had a panic attack the next day because I couldn't remember feeling baby move at all. (He's fine!)
My horrible cough still continues. Thursday the OB I saw, since my OB was booked, gave me a new inahler, some inhaled steroids, and told me to take claritin and Robitussin. That crap, combined, all seems like it's starting to work. Some. Texas officially hates me. I have to admit, I'm not really that fond of IT either.
I had another ultrasound at my OB appointment. Still no pictures. Baby is head down and facing my back, we literally couldn't even see his face. He's in perfect position for delivery though, which makes me happy. I also had my first NST. Everything is looking good on that end.
My blood sugars are CRAP right now. The steroids that I'm on are messing with the levels really bad and there's really nothing that I can do about it at this point. Hopefully when I come off the meds, things will go back to the way they were before I went on them. Otherwise the peri is going to have to put me on a fast acting insulin in addition to my overnight insulin.
Blood pressure and urine look good at my appointment on Thursday. Everything else seems okay. Baby has only gained about 3 ounces this week, which is slightly distressing to me, given the fact that at this point in pregnancy he should have gained at LEAST 8oz (half a pound a week). I have two more ultrasounds next week. One with the OB on Wednesday, and another with the Peri on Friday. He was 3lbs 10oz the last time I saw the Peri, so if he's growing the way he SHOULD be, he should be about 4lbs 10oz at next Friday's BPP. Obviously his growth, or lack there of, is still concerning me. Not that it is a big shocker or anything. I am still carrying REALLY small. I could still pass for five months pregnant at this point, easily. I could probably even still hide the fact that I'm even pregnant if I really wanted to.
Yesterday I had to take the kids to the orthodontist in Austin. It's a good thing that I had someone with me. They were WAY behind yesterday and I ended up sitting there about an hour longer than I'd expected. My blood sugar dropped very quickly and I didn't have anything to snack on (my bad!)and I didn't realize there was a problem until it was too late (I was at 51 before they even called me back to schedule appointments for next visits). By the time we got out of there, I almost couldn't walk. We managed to make it to Taco Bell where I got a Pepsi and something to eat, but it was already too late. After I ate, I basically blacked out I guess, and don't remember anything between about 11:30am and 3pm....when I woke up in my bed. No idea how we got home, no idea how I got up the stairs or in the bed, just that I was IN the bed. Kind of scary.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
32 weeks 6 days
Monday, June 20, 2011
27 weeks 1 day
Great news, the increase on my blood pressure medicine must be working. I'm only really having a headache first thing when I wake up in the morning. Also, no more face or lip swelling since the increase! WOOHOO! I can't check my BP, because insurance won't cover a cuff and I can't buy a new one yet, but I took my BP in the grocery store today and it was 119/78, which is GREAT!!
I completed my 24 hour urine collection and the rest of my blood tests this morning, but I'm pretty sure my urine will be clean, because I bought some keytone strips and have been testing my urine at home LOL
I need to call and talk to the nurse about upping my insulin at night time again, from 12 to 14 units. My fasting levels are starting to creep up again, and have been for four days running. I see that there is an every three weeks pattern going on LOL
Saturday I get to go and spend the entire day at my OB's office doing some seven hour long prenatal workshop so I can earn a voucher for a free carseat. I'm not super excited about this. I've given birth four times already. Things haven't changed since the last time other than the fact that I'm high risk and get more attention this time. Whatever. Beggers can't be choosers. I'm not getting a shower and I'm pretty sure baby won't get any gifts either, so at least we will get something we are going to NEED purchased, or at least at a discounted rate.
I made about two hours worth of phone calls today. Apparently here in the great state of Texas, everything really is bigger, including foreskin....because insurance here covers circumcisons. The last baby was covered under his daddy on Tricare, which surprised me. My oldest two boys had to be paid for in cash. Good times.
Other than that, things are going okay.
I am entering panic mode about my delivery. I'm alone here in TX, with no one, other than my partner for support. That kind of puts us in a sticky situation as far as my delivery goes. Either we find some stranger to watch our four kids for 12-18 hours while I labor and give birth, or I do this all alone. I'm trying not to get hysterical over the prospect of giving birth alone. Or having a c-section alone. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I could go in to have an emergency c-section and DIE and not have the man I love, or ANYONE who loves me by my side. I'm trying to ignore the fact that shit like that happens to me. The stuff nobody thinks could ever happen, happens to me LOL. I don't want to have my baby alone. I don't want to share those moments with a strange nurse and a doctor that probably isn't even going to be my own because they are a revolving practice that rotates who is 'on call'. Mentally, it's a huge challenge for me right now to keep my head on straight. I wish I had close friends or family here. I wish I was home in Washington. I wish I was having a home birth and none of the hospital crap even mattered. I wish there was someone that could put their life on hold for a day and either be there with me, or take care of my kids....and there is just not. Anyone. I think that is the toughest pill that I have had to swallow yet. Far tougher than making the leap to move across the country, out of my home state, for the first time EVER.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
20 weeks 3 days
I've started the 20th week of my pregnancy.
My blood pressure is high, but we've attributed that to the fact that I am in some pretty severe pain right now. Several years ago, I had several falls with knee impact type injuries. I saw a public health doctor at the time, who didn't really explain things to me, but put me in knee braces for three weeks. I never went back to the doctor. My bad, I know. The injury never healed right and is occasionally aggravated (say, by climbing up and down three flights of stairs five times in one day) and then I pay for it. At this point in time, I'm barely getting around. Every movement is painful. I can't roll over in bed without being in pain right now. Yes, it's that bad that I'm spending most of my time in bed anymore, and I have been going like this for more than two weeks. The problem is, is that I can't consistently stay off of my feet. There are four kids in my house and someone has to take care of them, including jumping up and down to get after a toddler every two to five minutes. Since I don't have insurance at this point in time, I'm really just struggling through it. Due to the fact that I'm pregnant, I can really only take Tylenol for the pain, and we all KNOW that stuff doesn't work when a person is at the level of pain that I am at now. Without seeing the doctor, we can't pinpoint EXACTLY what my problem is, which means it can't be solved. Right now, we are ALL in medical limbo though. My daughter needs to have her braces maintained, or removed, and needed to have it done about three weeks ago. One of my sons is supposed to be medicated for his ADHD and other issues, and ran out of medication three days ago. Apparently two of the kids need MORE immunizations for school because Texas has different immunization requirements than Washington does, so they might not be able to go to school soon. It's scary, and really difficult, to be a family, with children, especially children with medical or dental needs, and not have medical.
Anyway, back to me, and my pregnancy. I saw my new Perinatologiest yesterday. He is young. 35 years old. And has the most insanely beautiful blue eyes a girl has ever seen! We had a lengthy discussion about my diabetes. He feels, that it's highly probable that I am NOT diabetic. That I have something called "insulin resistance'. However, because I am pregnant, we have to treat me like I have gestational diabetes anyway. About three months after I have the baby, I will have to do another one hour glucose test and we will re-evaluate whether or not I am ACTUALLY diabetic.
I lost five more pounds in the last two weeks. That brings my total weight loss to 43lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight and puts me at 311lbs. Given my weight, he's still not concerned about the weight loss, but he WOULD like me to stop losing weight. Something that is really beyond my control right now. Given the fact that I can barely WALK right now, it's not like I'm exercising either. When you cut sugars and carbohydrates almost completely out of your diet though, you have to expect that to have some impact on your weight. It's not like I can just eat a bunch of fatty foods to prevent me from losing weight. Those fatty foods are mostly carbohydrate, sugar based, foods. It is literally impossible for me to GAIN and still follow the diabetic diet.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Drama of the Sister variety.
More than a month ago I mentioned that a new breed of drama may be encroaching on my family bubble.
Let me explain.
Of all my siblings, I am the only one who has honestly ever been worth a shit. In their ONLY defense, they chose 'other' options in their lives. One choice in particular, that has lead to their ultimately unfortunate lives was their choice, as teenagers, to remain in the toxic environment that their father and his family created for them. They had the choice to be in a structured environment, the same one that I was raised in. A place with rules, regulations, chores, curfews and expectations....and they chose against that. They chose freedom. The freedom to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, with whoever they wanted. In turn, they have both turned into the drug addicted, criminal types. One has been in and out of jail and prison, and the other in and out of rehab at various times over their 30 plus years of life.
I, on the other hand, while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, have become a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman who has taken the completely opposite path that they have chosen.
At this current place in time, my step-sister has recently relapsed into her crack cocaine addition in the last four months and has basically brought the entire world that circulates within her range, down with her. Including her fiance and her children. She is set to lose her fiance, is facing an eviction from her home and will probably lose her children TOMORROW MORNING at the emergency meeting if she does not ACT NOW and get her shit together.
Two of these children have been through this before. They WILL NEVER return to her care if the state steps in to remove them. This also means that our family will probably never see these kids again. They are already disadvantaged because of their absent fathers and their mother's off and on relapse pattern. My heart aches to imagine the extremely hard road they would face were they placed into the foster care system, separated from each other, and bounced around from house to house and school to school for the next 5 to 16 years.
My parents cannot take them in again, for various reasons that are completely understandable. Nobody wants to further support her behavior, or be enabling of her. Absolutely people are done cleaning up her messes for her and helping her get her shit together.
That leaves me.
Unfortunately for the kids, my family just moved half a country away and I am not in a position to do very much.
After a lengthy discussion with my other half, I had the opportunity to speak with my step-sister on the telephone yesterday. I informed her that the ONLY option she had left to her was to go and pick up her children from our brother where they currently are, get in her truck, and drive her ass to Texas, to ME.
She didn't even know that I was pregnant. Or that we had already left for Texas yet. I made her cry a lot, and hope that the words that I left with her were sincerely receieved. She is going to have a few obstacles in her trek to get here if she does decide to actually come, and either my partner or I might have to actually fly back to Washington and drive her here ourselves due to a licensing issue. Her ability to gather the funds it would cost for gas to get here is going to be a small hurdle.....but it is possible.
I feel helpless right now because there is nothing that I can do. I feel like an asshole for abandoning my family in a sense. I feel stuck because I cannot help MORE. I cannot save everyone, but given the opportunity, I would. I would absolutely save these kids. There is no question in my mind that they would already be WITH me if I was at home. I am, and this situation is, the ONLY option that these kids have left.
The last time this happened was in 2005. We had 9 people in a two bedroom mobile home with one bathroom. This time, we will have 10 people in a four bedroom two bath apartment. I think we can handle it. She just needs to GET here now.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Settling In
Today is the first day in nearly three full weeks that I have been able to sit down and write. We just got our internet, cable and phone service installed the day before yesterday...which was installed by a black man with a full on, top and bottom, gold grill. It took everything I had in me to not laugh. It was something that I had never seen in real life before and I honestly thought it was something that only rappers did. It still makes me laugh. He somehow managed to not do his job right, and we were still without telephone service more than 24 hours later. We were also told that we would be getting THREE cable boxes, and only ended up getting ONE. AND the internet was BASIC internet and not wireless, so we had to run out and buy a wireless router. Spending money we didn't really have didn't make me very happy, but at least I have my internet back. It has been a horribly long wait, that wasn't helped by the fact that the woman in the office didn't put the request in for us BEFORE WE GOT HERE like she was ASKED to do. Two weeks later, she still hadn't put the request in, and we had to go above her for it. I pretty much want to punch this broad in the face.
As far as me, baby and our medical state go, I'm struggling a little. Texas hospitals and physicians will not accept out of state medical programs. I went to the hospital to get a once over and a referral and they flat out refused to see me, because 'nothing was wrong' with me. I wasn't bleeding, cramping or contracting, so they couldn't do anything. Including get me a referral. I ended up eventually finding a resource that I could utilize, a sliding fee clinic at Texas A&M's Health Science division. They will basically hold my bill until my new insurance company kicks in and takes over.
Let me tell you though, I am LESS THAN SATISFIED with the level of care that I have received there. I've only had ONE visit and I already know that I hate the place. The doctor that I saw struck me as extremely incompetent. She's an OB/GYN with basically no concept of ANYTHING pregnancy related. It didn't matter to her at all that I am high risk. She didn't want to see my sugar levels for the previous weeks. She didn't ask how the trip had gone, or inquire to make sure that I had stopped often for bathroom breaks or to get out and walk. No questions about complications in prior pregnancies. Not a word about my medications. She didn't even DOPPLER THE BABY, until I straight up ASKED. Honestly, it SICKENS me to my very CORE that I have to go back and see her for at least one more visit before I can get myself a REAL doctor. The complete doctor/insurance situation has made me not seek medical attention for a few situations that I'm currently dealing with on my own right now, but really do need to see a doctor for. Particularly a cyst that has abscessed, and an infection.
In the middle of all this transition, I am now 17.2 weeks pregnant, and I should be worrying about and looking forward to my BIG ULTRASOUND where we find out the sex of the baby. Something that generally occurs between the 18th and 20th week. Yeah, I'm REALLY not happy about THAT one.
The baby is moving a bit now. We have felt some pretty good movement in the last couple of days. This baby is busy. I'm getting heartburn more often, which kinda makes me laugh because I don't feel like this baby has even GROWN. I haven't gained a pound of weight, only lost thus far.
The only real 'productive' thing that I've managed to do since we have been here, is get two of the kids set to start school on Monday morning. The third child that goes to school has special circumstances where we actually have to sit down with staff members and have a meeting before we can start him in school. We have to make sure he is in the appropriate program and that everything is going to be good from the get go.
The other half tore the ligaments in his hand and thumb while playing on the playground with the baby. On our way back from seeing the doctor, we stopped at McDonalds, where he got food poisioning from eating chicken that was either cooked inproperly or unsanitary conditions in the kitchen. BET I called the Health Inspector and ALSO mentioned that they had flies all over their dining area and that they probably have maggots in the back somewhere. Good times.
Ultimately, I am really missing Washington. There is a lot going on back home and people need me. CHILDREN need me and I should be there and I'm not. I feel guilty for that. I also really loathe change. The struggle to change schools, doctors, hospitals....find new grocery stores, restaurants, places to play.....really makes me sick and wears me down. For the most part, I just want to sit on the couch right now and not DO anything. I don't want to unpack a single box more and they are towering everywhere. I don't particularly feel like socializing with anyone aside from my immediate family either.
Don't get me wrong, we are GOOD right now, I'm just not real happy with a lot of things/situations that are ultimately out of my control at this point in time.
For now, I will stop there. I want to get to the stuff that is happening at home, but it really does need it's own blog.
Monday, April 4, 2011
We have arrived in Texas.
The trip here was a little crazy, to say the least.
After the packers left, the movers showed up and slowly, box by box, our stuff disappeared, and has yet to be seen since. Two more days and it should be arriving. The reason it is taking so long is because we are the first load in a 75 foot semi truck. After our driver, Mike, picked up our load, he had to go pick up four other families loads. One in Pasco, WA, another in Spokane, WA and then two more back in Seattle, WA. Then his stops to drop off stuff included two deliveries in Denver, CO, one in Missouri somewhere, with a two day stop to see his family since he hasn't been home since the 11th of March, then another drop off in Oklahoma, before he comes here to Austin, TX. I can't say I blame him for wanting to see his family at all. That's a long time to be away.
The first evening in an empty house was especially boring. The second evening, without internet, was almost unbearable. Saturday morning was 'the big day'. The actual day that we pulled out of Seattle. Given the fact that our apartment complex flat out refused to honor the man's MILITARY ORDERS, I made sure that I took pictures of EVERYTHING in the apartment after it was cleaned out, for evidence purposes. We have since been notified that our keys, that we placed in a brown envelope and dropped into the rent box, marked with our names and our apartment number, have been LOST by management. They are so utterly incompetent that it's not even funny anymore. We should have suspected as much after they lost three months worth of rent checks in a ROW. All of this has happened after a takeover from a new management team. You'd THINK that after the first month they would have figured it out, but apparently NOT. Good thing that after the first lost rent check we were smart enough to start getting receipts. *rolls eyes*
Saturday morning we struggled for about two hours to get the suburban loaded with the remainder of our belongings and the items that the moving company could not pack. We failed, epically. We ended up throwing out most of our cleaning products, along with other things that we had intended on keeping. Fortunately we have since replaced the majority of those items, and THEN some LOL
We got several hours into our trip and decided that we were really just too cramped into the suburban to continue in such a fashion and ended up calling ahead and renting a Uhaul in the Portland, Oregon area. The first Uhaul company that they sent us to was in an industrial area, basically in someones garage. I almost planted my ass in the mud on the way down the hill back to the suburban. We ended up having to go to a second Uhaul office because we had to get a tow ball and the wiring mechanism to be able to tow the trailer with. Not our fault they didn't have it, but then we ended up driving all over hell with the crappy GPS lady taking us along all these weird streets because it was the 'shortest route'. It was a disaster.
We drove through Oregon for the rest of the day, stopping in the Medford area to get a hotel room because it was getting late and we were all tired. Unfortunately, the man, unbeknownest to him, had maxed out the number of transactions he's allowed in a month. He had no idea that he was only allowed a maximum number of transactions. And since his checking account was empty and we didn't have a credit card with enough money remaining on the balance, we go rejected from EIGHT hotels before we were able to find a place that would take a CASH payment. We ended up in some back alley Econolodge run by an old Indian guy, and had to sneak the kids in and out because we have too many kids to get just ONE room. At least there were no bed bugs.
The second day of our journey went a little better. We went through the snowy mountain range that lies between Oregon and California and it was actually snowing while we were driving, but the roads remained clear for the most part. I got to see a coyote carrying a kill, and several deer. This time we thought ahead and stopped in a town with an Air Station Naval Base, so that we would have access to the man's bank. We stayed in a Best Western that was really nice and we slept in until 8am the next morning, had a Burger King breakfast and then hit the Navy Fed on our way out of town.
Day three was relatively uneventful. Lots of driving. Basically the same scenery that we had seen on our trip to California last May. We managed to make it from a small town north of the grapevine, all the way into Phoenix, Arizona, where we stayed in yet another skanky hotel. This time it was a TravelLodge and it was gross, but again, no bugs, unless you count the spider that was in the shower the next morning.
Day four took us through the remainder of Arizona, and passed the miles and miles of huge cacti. We also made it completely through the state of New Mexico and into El Paso, Texas before nightfall. We ate at a little restaurant on the boarder of TX and NM that was actually pretty good.
Day five started off with a good sized cock roach on the dresser in the morning. As we drove out of El Paso we could clearly see the giant wall that marks the border between the United States and Mexico. The kids thought that it was really cool that they could see into another country. You could definitely tell the difference between America and Mexico from I-10. The duration of this day was SUPER boring. I cannot explain HOW boring. It's unfathomable. Let's just say the most fun we had in Western Texas was playing the 'windmill game'. People in Western Texas really like their windmills. We met a friend of ours in San Antonio, where we had dinner and stayed in a decent hotel, but there was no internet service. Boo.
Day six started with the baby puking all over his little shoes. I had to take his laces out and wash everything in the hotel sink, and then stuff it all into the trailer. We basically drove for two hours on day six, then stayed the night in a hotel near our new apartment complex.
Day seven we signed our lease, moved all our stuff into the apartment out of the trailer, took the trailer back, and let the kids enjoy the sunshine a little. The only disappointment thus far is the fact that our unit was NOT CLEANED before they gave it to us. There is a certain level of 'ick factor' to go with that. I am pretty sure all they did was vacuum and then the maintenance people came and painted our bedroom door for some reason or another.
The following two days since then have been relatively busy. We purchased an additional crib that the baby is currently sleeping in, but that will be used for the new baby once 'it' comes. We also purchased a washer and dryer set that will be delivered this coming Thursday. We have had several trips to Walmart and the Dollar Store to pick up some necessities. We have redone the guest bathroom since we had to throw out the old rugs, among other things, and have basically just hung out, waiting for the weekend to get over so that we could start making phone calls for services.
Wednesday morning the moving truck will be here to unload our stuff. We are pretty excited.
Wednesday afternoon I have an appointment to meet with an advocate to get my address stuff straightened out. I should have my new address cards by the end of the week, and then we can enroll the kids in school. I'm sure that it will be a week or so from THAT point before they get the kids' records and we can enroll them in school.
Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to the hospital and get a once over and a referral for a local high risk OB/GYN. I'm doing pretty good baby wise. My sugars are looking GREAT. I've got some swelling which is probably due to adjusting to the extreme temperature changes between states. I've also had a few headaches, which just happen when my blood sugar levels get too low.
One of the kids is pretty homesick, but I'm sure he will get over it soon. Once our stuff gets here, and he goes to school, things will be better.
I'm still not really sure how I feel about all of this. I think I'm kind of down about it all. I don't really want to go outside or hang out with the man and his friends that live here. I just don't really feel like doing anything at all right now. Certainly not being nice and friendly with people. Which is unfortunate because the people here are really friendly. I'm not sure if it's bordering on NOSEY yet or not, but I WILL be blogging about them LOL
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The packers spent their first full day here today.
They packed up both the kids' rooms, which we were prepared for. They packed both the hall and the linen closet, which we were also prepared for. We were not as prepared to have the dining room done, or the storage closet on the porch, but we managed okay. We absolutely were NOT prepared to have the living room done.
After they left, we realized that some things got picked up that should not have and unfortunately we had a major crisis when they packed up some of the man's medication. Which I quickly diverted when I found the RIGHT box, on the first try and found his pills inside.
But the evening still ended in tears.
Somehow they managed to pack up my favorite and BRAND NEW pair of slippers that I planned on wearing for most of the ride to Texas. I cried. A lot.
The man promised we would go to Walmart and get me a new pair since we won't see mine for at least three weeks, but it's not the same and it's not okay. I need them RIGHT NOW. And they are packed in a damn box somewhere. Obviously the pregnant hormones got the best of me. And I cried pitifully.
And now my feet are cold.
I packed up most of the Master bathroom tonight, the stuff that is left in there needs to stay, unfortunately, and come with us in the truck. We HAVE to have a shower curtain for the three more nights we will be staying here LOL
The Master bedroom is MOSTLY ready to be packed now. I have all my stuff together or in a bag, ready to go into the bathroom in the morning.
The man, on the other hand, hasn't done SHIT as far as packing himself. And it's 10pm. I don't know when he plans on DOING it.
Our bedding is going to stay on the bed for another two nights, then get washed and put back in the bag that we bought it in, and taken to the new place. We will be putting it on our super high air mattress when we get to Texas, since we will be sleeping in the house for almost a week before they come to deliver our stuff. Everything else in the room will basically get packed around us.
I broke down the desktop computer tonight, there was so much dust in the back that I had to stop twice just to take a breather. It's funny, because we have sprayed it out with compressed air religiously like I've been taught to, but it literally just builds up on the floor and the wall behind the desk anyway.
Besides the Master bed and bath, the kitchen and the laundry room are the only two places left to be taken care of. It's certainly happening a lot faster than we thought it would.
Anyway, I'm exhausted, even though I just babysat movers today and I have a feeling that I won't be getting any sleep until MUCH later since the man hasn't done HIS shit yet. >:-{
Monday, March 21, 2011
Movers are coming....
Tomorrow morning the movers are coming.
They will be here between 8:30 and 9:30.
I am a ball of hormones. And tears.
Not just about strange people touching all my crap and being in my house and up in my shit. But about moving to Texas.
I'm not ready for this.
I'm not ready to leave my family and move half way across the country, 2500 miles.
I am, and I'm not.
I mean, I'm ready to start fresh. I'm ready for a new part of my life, OUR LIVES, to begin. I'm ready for sunshine and outside time.....summer for 9 months out of the year instead of rain. Because you know, for the other three months, instead of snow, it's just too hot to function. Thank god for Central Air. I am ready to leave the yucky past behind. 2500 miles behind, and never hear of it again.
I'm not ready for change. I don't handle change well. I'm not ready to change doctors. I'm not ready for the kids to change schools. I'm not ready to not be able to go to Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties. I'm not ready to not be able to go have lunch with one of my friends that is so awesome she is better than a sister. I'm not ready to not have the prospect of having coffee with a friend. I'm not ready to not be able to call my mom up and say "I have an emergency, I need you to watch the baby/kids".
I am scared. Of newness. Of Change. Of not knowing the cultural, regional laws, rules, expectations.
I am scared of adventure. Of leaving the safety of my home.
Of starting OVER.
Now do this pregnant, medically fragile, with four kids, one of them a baby, and one of them seriously emotionally challenged.
I thought I was going to have my mom with me to help me feel okay about this along the way. I thought that someone who wasn't staying would be able to hold my hand for a little while and ease the emotional strain, or at least, help me control it. But she's not going to be there now. For space issues, for financial issues, for work issues. I get it. It's okay. I'm a big girl.
Now I'm just a sobbing mess and I'm not sure I will not be a sobbing mess off and on for the next two weeks.
At least until it sinks in that I'm okay, that it's all okay. That this move is meant to be, the way it IS meant to be.
For now, I'm just going to lay here and stare at the wall for a little while.....probably until I fall asleep....because I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted from all the 'pack the crap you don't want the movers to pack and put it in the bathroom 'runaround'" that I can't function any more tonight.
Although, I do kinda want to eat again. I'm always so damn hungry. I hate this 'diabetic' crap. I want a foot long roast beef and provolone subway sandwich on wheat, with lettus, tomato, pickles, olives and cucumbers. With oil and vinegar.
And some god damned cheesecake.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Take your medication and SHOVE.IT.
I called my OB/GYN's office this morning and talked to the nurse. My doctor is out today and won't be back until Monday morning. The doctor she talked to wants me to keep taking the medication. He said that I'm JUST starting my second trimester, I'm still going to be having a lot of nausea and vomiting issues, and I'm GOING to be tired and stressed out. She also said OBVIOUSLY nobody can MAKE me take the medication, and if I choose NOT to, to just REALLY stick to the diet, make sure I'm getting my snacks in and watch my sugars really closely.
Let me tell you something MR. DOCTOR WHOEVER YOU ARE. I've had Hyperemisis for three whole pregnancies and was hospitalized at least once for EVERY one of my four previously completed pregnancies. I KNOW what strictly having nausea and vomiting FEELS LIKE. I also know what TIRED is. This is pregnancy number six, I KNOW what tired is. Asshole. I also know what STRESSED is. Asshole. And I'm not STRESSED about packing and moving stuff because I don't have to lift a FINGER. Sure, I'm moderately stressed about moving some place new and having to do a bunch of shit like find new providers on a time schedule, but that comes with part of moving. I moved during my last pregnancy and was fine. ALSO, How do you explain the fact that I ONLY had these symptoms while on the medication, but they suddenly VANISHED as soon as I stopped taking the medication? Mr. Doctor who knows EVERYTHING, when was the last time YOU were pregnant? And have you been pregnant five or six times already? NO. IDIOT.
Anyway, the nurse is going to keep my message for Monday when MY doctor comes back, but I'm pretty sure MY doctor is going to say the same thing. And frankly, I don't give a fucking SHIT what she has to say. I cannot take the medication because I cannot FUNCTION on it. I might as well be in a vegetative state on this medication.
Vegetables cannot drive to Texas. Damn it.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
I hate this medication.
I HATE this medication. Like to the extent that I want to go see the doctor and scream profanities in her face right now, but don't have the energy to.
I'm on Glyburide 2.5mg
The first night, I didn't sleep at all. I had to GAG down a peanut butter sandwich, because I have to have the protein before I go to sleep and that was what she recommended. I was up and down ALL night, freaking out that my blood sugar was going to drop too low and I really was going to DIE IN MY SLEEP. When it was time to wake up, not only did I NOT want to get out of bed, but I seriously STRUGGLED to do so. I was a zombie through the rest of the day, and fell asleep some time around 2:30 in the afternoon and slept till almost 7. Thankfully Dan was up by that time and someone was around to take care of the baby.
Night two wasn't quite as bad, but almost. I almost hurled in the middle of trying to force the PB sandwich down, and again at the end, even though I was attempting to wash the nastiness down with milk. Again, I struggled to get out of bed. I felt sluggish and tired and just yucky in general. But there is no other reason for it, except the med. I'd slept from 11 the night before, to 7:30. (8 1/2 hours)
I didn't get dressed until it was almost time to leave and take the baby to get his last couple of shots before we leave for Texas. From there, we ran back to the apartment so I could get some things, and believe me, climbing the stairs was the most energy draining thing I have ever done. I wanted to collapse and sleep by the time I got to the front door and we are talking two half-flights. So it's only ONE flight of stairs in all. We went and saw the ATTORNEY (which is a blog in and of itself later) and came home around 2:30, only for me to fall asleep again until 6. (3 1/2 more hours)
We ran to Winco, because in the middle of my crappiness, I'd forgotten to go to the grocery store for baby food. I got some Almond Butter. Some sunflower seeds, some mixed nuts, and some edemame. And let me tell you, ALL of it tastes like CRAP. I had to gag the shit down for a THIRD night in a row. I would rather DIE than ever see a creamy nut or eat some kind crap that tastes like DIRT again. Nastiness, the lot of it.
After I ate a little dinner, I set my alarm to do my blood sugar test like I always do, and managed to fall back to sleep almost immediately (for another two hours. 8-10pm) Then I got up, was up LESS than an hour and right back to sleep again, until 8am this morning. (9 more hours)
It's the same deal again this morning. The only reason I got dressed was because the babydaddy insisted that he had an appointment today for pre-op surgery and I convinced him he was an IDIOT to do the surgery before we leave for Texas in SEVEN DAYS because the soonest they would probably get him in, would probably be AFTER we leave. I had some Kashi cereal and sat on the couch for a while, slumping over further and further the longer I sat there, until finally I had to pry my dead ass off the couch and staggered to bed again. It's 10am and I am in BED because I have zero energy or life left in me. My fingers aren't working right, my eyes aren't working right, I feel like I'm going to HURL and if I just lay here for five minutes, I'll probably fall asleep.
I DON'T WANT TO SEELP!!!!
I have CRAP to DO! I am supposed to be getting this house ready for the movers and I cannot even FUNCTION RIGHT NOW. And I should mention that I am swelling ever so slightly. We got my ring sized a half a size larger than I would need it because we knew by the end of my pregnancy that I was going to need that half a size for swelling room. I AM ALREADY USING IT. There is an indentation in my finger from the ring!!!
I hate this. I HATE IT. I don't like being sick. I certainly don't like being sick for NO REASON. And even MORESO, I don't like being sick when I can just STOP TAKING THE MEDICATION AND FEEL BETTER. I want to break shit and punch people and I don't even have the energy. I will surely spend the next six months, in bed, crying my god forsaken EYES OUT.
I can't DO anything. I probably should not be driving when I feel like this. I hate feeling helpless. It doesn't suit me well for as independent as I am. And I want to puke. This pregnancy is going to go down in history, not only as my LAST, but as my WORST.
IT BETTER BE A GIRL. That's all I gotta say.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Down the Medication Road
I had an OB appointment today. Today's appointment was supposed to be my last in Washington State before we move to Texas. Unfortunately, things are not going to happen that way because of my being High Risk.
Starting tonight, I have to begin taking a medication that will lower my blood sugar at night time. I was also told that I HAVE to eat a late night snack before I go to bed. If I don't and my blood sugar drops too low due to the medication, I could die in my sleep.
Please. Tell this shit to a pregnant woman who is already hormonal.
I cried.
And I know that this medication isn't the end of things. Most women with pre-existing diabetes prior to pregnancy end up on insulin injections later in their pregnancy.
So it is only a matter of time.
I am devastated, and yet still in denial over even being diabetic at the same time.
Anyway, I am supposed to begin taking this medication tonight, and I am scheduled to see my OB again next Friday before we leave for Texas.
I was given STRICT orders to find an OB before we leave and schedule an appointment. IF I arrive in Texas without an OB, I will have maybe a week before I have to see someone and the best recommendation that she could give me was to go into the ER and have an exam and they would refer me to a High Risk OB that would be able to accept my insurance.
Obviously my nerves are shot. :-(
Also, I've lost a total of 34lbs to date.
Saturday, March 12, 2011
Home Sweet Home from Texas
Welcome to week 12, trimester TWO of my pregnancy :)
YAY!!!
We got back from Austin late last night. Our flights there and back were less than joyful. However we did enjoy five, beautifully sunny, kid-free days. We had quiet dinners, we swam in the pool, and we soaked up the sun.
I really enjoyed the sunshine. It will be a nice change of pace from the 10 months of rain that we get here in Washington State. It was ABOVE 70* every day we were there. squeeeeeeee!
I had the awesome opportunity to meet one of my best girlfriends for the first time while we were in Austin. She lives there, and we are moving very close to where she lives. I've known her for five years, and meeting her for the first time was like hugging my sister for the first time after years of being separated from one another.
We actually got really lucky, after having done some thorough research, and managed to only look at two places before we found the apartment that would work for us. We got a nice four bedroom, two bath apartment with walk-in closets throughout. The older two boys will be sharing, sis will have her own room, and the two babies will share. It will be nice to spread out a little more in the house.
We did have a few obstacles to overcome before getting everything approved for us to move in, but in the end, everything has managed to work out okay, and the apartment is ours.
The movers will be here on the 22nd and 23rd to pack us up. The truck will be loaded on the 24th and then we will make our way to Texas, arriving on or around the 1st of the April. We will be signing our lease then, and hope that at the end of the year's lease we will be on our way into a house of our own.
After spending nearly a week in the greater Austin area, we are happy with our experiences and content with our choice to relocate there.
Today we found out that another friend of ours is also going to be moving from Seattle to Austin with his family, and VERY near where our new apartment is!! It is CRAZY coincidental, but we are super excited about it!! Having good friends around will be awesome :)
Pregnancy wise, not a lot going on aside from the nausea and the incoming heartburn. I'm starting to feel a little more bloated but not bad. My appetite is pretty messed up right now, hungry when I shouldn't be and not hungry at ALL when I should be.
I am concerned about my blood sugar levels as they have been rising some over the last week, but we will find out on Monday how concerned the doctor is about my levels. She might want me to change my testing techniques or the number of tests I take a day so she can get a more accurate reading of my levels.
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Hormones with a side of Clingon
I am currently 11 weeks pregnant.
In 7 days, I begin my second trimester.
All I can think about that is "holy cow! where did it go?!" LOL
In four days we leave for Austin to pick out our new temporary home. I am a little excited, probably because I am looking forward to the break from my kids more than anything as I have NEVER been away from them longer than a single overnight and two full days. At the same time, I am 100% NOT ready for this trip. I am going to Wal-Mart tomorrow to stock up on some trial size soaps and such to pack in our luggage, but that is about ALL that I can do to prepare right now.
Anyway, the point of this blog was really for me to vent, because I am irritated right now.
Can I just say, it irritates the everlovingfuck out of me when I have to ASK for attention?!?!
I mean, SERIOUSLY?! I have to ASK for some snuggle and cuddle time. WTF is wrong with this picture??
I have never really been a super bitchy "leave me alone", "don't touch me", "get out of my face" pregnant woman. I have always bottled it up and blogged it out.
I'm also not in the "wahwah" stage of my pregnancy right now, where I cry at the drop of a hat, unless we are in the truck and something on the radio makes me jerk a tear, and then I try and hide it.
I don't ask for anyone to hold my hair when I puke. Nobody runs my bathwater. Nobody massages my swoolen feet and ankles.
There HAS been a midnight run for Claussens Kosher Dill Pickles. And Carb Smart Ice Cream. And a 10pm run for a smoothie, but, in my defense, he was going out anyway.....
I'm just saying, I'm not a real high maintenance pregnant chick at this point, and I really don't think that it's too much to ask for it to be OBVIOUS that I need some extra snuggle and cuddle time. I want everyone ELSE to leave me alone, but I want him to let me be a little clingy.
Yes, I am hormonal, but it's not blatantly obvious or outrageous yet. I got six more months, I'll catch up some!
GAH! I just feel like SOMEONE needs a reminder once in a while that MAYBE their partner needs some PHYSICAL contact with them once in a while that is totally not sexually related.
Honestly, I feel like an asshole when I have to actually say "hey, when the kids all go to bed, do you think maybe you could forget about the damn video games for an evening and just come in here and snuggle with me for a little while, maybe let me fall asleep in your arms or something?"
I mean, I shouldn't have to spell it out. I'm sorry I'm so damn CLINGY right now. That's just how I get.
I'm pretty sure most guys would take horny and clingy out of their pregnant partner over bitchy and sobbing any day though.
Friday, February 25, 2011
10 DAYS!!!
I am currently 10 weeks and 1 day into my pregnancy today.
It has been two weeks since my last OB appointment. I have lost three pounds in that time. Bringing me down a total of 34lbs from my long running pre-pregnancy weight.
I got a letter from my doctor today to put in my carry-on, stating my pregnancy due date and my diabetic status so that I don't have any problems carrying my testing supplies (or a healthy snack) on the plane when we fly to Austin, TX in 10 days.
(TEN DAYS. OMFG. I cannot believe how fast all of this is happening!!!)
The doctor has prescribed me some medication that I need to pick up tomorrow, an anti-nausea med and some heartburn medication for our trip, just in case I need it. (I am already needing it. Stomach acid=Breakfast of Champions!!!) She also confirmed for me that I am allowed to take benadryl, which is a huge relief for me because it does a great job in helping me sleep!!
She has also ordered a 24 hour urine collect, because I'm dumping protein into my urine already. The same thing happened during my last pregnancy, but I'm trying not to get too concerned about it.
We checked the heartbeat via ultrasound to confirm that baby is still viable. I couldn't see the monitor but she said everything was good.
I will spend a few days next week calling around to a few OB clinics in Austin to try and find someone that will take my insurance. Hopefully it is a mostly painless process.
I still cannot believe that it's only 10 days before we are in Texas and looking for a place to live. Keep your fingers crossed that we find something inexpensive and still in a nice area!!!
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
POP Goes the Mommy!!
Guess what?
This morning, I woke up, and I felt...
PREGNANT!!
I know, RIGHT!?! Who knew?!
I have felt 'not bloated' for several weeks now, but this morning it was like my uterus just felt huge and like it had 'popped'.
It's also starting to get uncomfortable for me to sleep on my belly. I'm a belly sleeper and now I kind of have to sleep with one knee up to take the pressure off my abdomen.
Today, the UPS guy came. In pants. And the poor guy was probably freezing, because it IS freezing out, and snowing. Anyway, he brought me the maternity clothes that mah babydaddy bought for me. I got a pair of capri pants, two pairs of shorts and a belly band to go over my other pants/jeans as my belly starts to expand. Actually, I got them specifically for our trip to Texas next month. I knew it would probably be in the 70's, and I wanted to be comfortable.
I tried everything on after the UPS man left, and let me tell you, they felt magnificent. I am STILL wearing them. Comfy, cozy, belly hanging out relaxin'. I feel SO much better with maternity pants on!!! And because I'm fat in general, my shirts should fit for my entire pregnancy. I will just buy a few more summer shirts once we move to Texas so I can stay COOL. We all know, with a baby due in September, I am going to be insanely HOT this summer. Thank goodness for air conditioning.
Now where are my Claussen's Pickles and my Carb Smart Ice Cream?!
Monday, February 21, 2011
Let the DRAMA begin!!
I am currently 9 weeks and 4 days into my 6th pregnancy.
I have three children from a previous relationship, ages 10, 8, and 6
Together my new partner and I have a 14 month old son.
I miscarried this last summer at around 8 weeks, so we held off this time around on informing our families of my most recent pregnancy.
We were not ready to inform our families at this point, however someone in my partner's family has no respect for personal boundaries and cannot keep her nose out of other people's business.
I was recently diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. My blood sugar has not been controlled until this point in time because it is a brand new diagnosis. That fact, combined with my most recent miscarriage, and several other factors that tend to come up during the latter half of my pregnancies have made me High Risk.
I will not be seeing a midwife for this pregnancy, which is unfortunate because I really adored her. I will, however, be seeing a slew of other 'specialists'.
In the last five weeks, I have had three ultrasounds, two appointments with a diabetes counselor, an appointment with a dietitian, an appointment with a perinatologist and several OB appointments already.
They are keeping me busy. As if us being a family of 6 doesn't already keep me busy. LOL
So far my outlook this pregnancy is okay. The new diabetic diet is driving me nuts with pregnancy cravings being too restrictive for me to allow the things baby wants me to eat. I feel like I am starving. I have lost 31lbs since November simply from illness related to the diabetes and the new diet change alone. Seven of those pounds were between my last two OB appointments a week apart. I've got another appointment on Friday and it will have been two weeks, so we will see if I have stabilized yet. The OB said she doesn't really want me to lose any more weight, but the perinatologist and I both agreed that I could probably lose another 30lbs and be fine, as long as the baby's growth looks good.
Things with our family is pretty chaotic right now. In the middle of all this necessary stuff, we are moving from Washington State, to Texas. I am 'early nesting' right now and going through EVERYTHING in the house so that the movers don't have to pack a ton of useless crap that we don't need to take with us.
My extended family is having several issues, my step-sister is specifically creating her own brand of drama, that doesn't directly affect us right now, but very well could in the future. Her brother, my stepbrother, also has his own brand of drama that doesn't directly affect us right now, but also very well could in the future. There is a possibility that, if they don't get their shit together, and can't find anyone else to take them, that we could end up with all of their children in our custody in the future, turning us, a family of seven, into a family of 12. Well, you know what they say, right? Cheaper by the dozen.
My partner's family brings a completely different breed of drama to the table, which DOES affect us, and unfortunately it's not in a good way. It never is. Obviously I could go on and on, but I will sum it up in as few sentences as possible. One person in the family met me, the new girl in his life, after I was already pregnant, and she ran her mouth and spread a bunch of LIES. They hold her word higher than Gods and will never believe otherwise. Their actions and behaviors have been nothing less then insane ever since. We have tried extensively to separate ourselves from them and their drama ever since. We appreciate our privacy, we do not like nosy family members who ruin our pregnancy announcements because of their stalker like behaviors. We do not want to hear opinions unless we specifically ask for them, and above all else we expect to have our choices in decisions we make for our children respected. A little respect PERIOD would be nice, but I'm not sure they even know what RESPECT is.
So that is the gist of things. Hold on, because we are in for a wild ride. One that will extend across several state borders and probably (given his family history) be so full of drama that you will want to vomit. So grab your barf bags, and buckle up!!! We leave for Texas in 4 1/2 weeks!!!
Posts
