34 weeks

Things are going much better on the family front. All the kids have gotten better from their respective illnesses. Momma is still sick however. And it has NOT been fun. Coughing until you puke, and then puking till you almost crap yourself has been one of several highlights on the week's reel.

Our little one has been VERY active these last few weeks. It has been a struggle to keep him on monitors for NSTs and Ultrasounds.

Friday afternoon and evening were extremely chaotic. I spent the evening in Labor and Delivery at the request of both my perinatologist AND my OB.

During my ultrasound with the temporary-peri, the baby's heart rate was extremely elevated for a period. At this point in pregnancy a baby's heart rate should flux from around 138 at a resting rate, to 180 at an active rate. Our little one's heart rate reached well into the 200 range at one point in time and made everyone extremely nervous. There was question as to whether my horrible cough has been causing him too much stress or not. While I was at the hospital on the monitor, you could visually see how much pressure was occurring....If you know anything about watching contractions on a monitor, well into active labor, your contractions will reach the 50 and up range, and a resting abdominal pressure will most likely be somewhere between 3 and 15 depending on where the sensor is positioned. Just coughing, the tension in my abdomen was well into the 60 range. All I could think was "Dear god, my cough is giving the baby a heart attack." Literally my abdominal muscles are strained right now. Not from pregnancy but from tensing up and coughing so that I don't lose my bladder!!

I also had some blood pressures that were alarming to the temp-peri. Were I NOT medicated, those BPs would have been substantially higher than they were. Needless to say, the OB let me come home, with no specific orders.

Baby's heart rate rose during levels of activity and dropped during periods of inactivity. Had his heart rate dropped during active times, that would have been cause for concern. Also my blood pressure stayed relatively close to the 140/90 range and not overly concerning. My blood work all came back great, as did my urine sample. I also had a chest x-ray while I was there, to make sure I didn't have a visible lung infection and everything looked great.

So baby will continue to cook a little longer. Monday afternoon I will see my Peri again, then Wednesday I will see my OB, and again Friday I will see the Peri again. I HOPE that he doesn't want to see me twice a week now, and give me three total appointments a week. I'm not sure that my already busy schedule can take much more.

I have to admit, I maintained my composure very well. Until I was left alone in the hospital. It wasn't until after I got off the phone with little man's daddy that I started to lose my grip. Then the tears fell, albeit briefly. At this point....while 34 weeks is early, I know he would be fine, whatever happens. I really just could not hold it in anymore. I wasn't sure if they would be keeping me at that point. If I would go on bedrest. If I would have to have an emergency c-section. It was kind of scary. I hate not being in control, and in those moments, I only knew the different scenarios that COULD happen.

I spent the morning doing some research and paying closer attention to my body. While my severe mold allergies are a big issue, I think that there are some other factors at work. I have this 'hairy' sensation in the way back of my throat. Like I swallowed some hair and it's stuck. It turns out, that sensation can be caused by things like GERD and severe acid reflux. And what do pregnant women get really bad in pregnancy? Heartburn. Acid Reflux. I've had it every pregnancy and apparently this is the worst. I switched out my heartburn meds for a different kind, and actually got a little bit of relief. I've only had about five near puking episodes with coughing today, so it has been a little better. Not perfect, by any stretch of the imagination, but better. I'm going to stick with the alternative med for a while and see if it helps.

I've also been having some serious issues with my blood sugar. I am well aware that things go awry the further into pregnancy you get. Now that I'm nearing the end, everything is fubar'ed. My two hour tests are 30 or more points above where they should be. My fasting levels are going nuts. I don't know what the peri is going to do with me now. He could put me on a fast acting insulin to bring those numbers down, or he might let it slide for a little while longer.

No matter what happens, I'm just going to be glad when this baby is here and I can worry LESS about all this stuff that was once unimportant before. It's stressing me out.



Those visible stretch marks are all from previous pregnancies. No new ones yet!! LOL

32 weeks 6 days

It has been a really rough week. I'm not going to sugar coat it.

I'll start at the bottom and work my way up.

Our 20 month old little man was sick this week. He woke up screaming at midnight with a 102.6 fever. Then he puked all over the sofa. It's cream. His puke, was not. THAT was fun. He slept in our room for two nights and had such a momma cling on him that I couldn't even put him down. He has NEVER been like that. He's a daddy's boy. No idea what was wrong with him. Fever was almost gone in 24 hours and he's doing fine now. He's finding all sorts of new words and things to say, and he despises pancakes, but LOVES cake, and plums too.

Next kid up, my nearly 7 year old son. He has SERIOUS issues. (ADHD, Bipolar and now ODD have been the Dx so far) He finally got seen by a new psych here in Texas this week since our move. He's been un-medicaited since May. The pharmacy doesn't stock his new medication, so they have to order it. They still haven't called and it's been five days. We are going to do combination med-therapy on him, in addition to individual therapy for him. We are also going to be starting family therapy after the baby comes. We have had a really hard time functioning as a family unit, for a variety of reasons. It is unbelievably difficult to 'blend' a family, while having a crazy child and not losing your mind. Please, factor in my pregnancy hormones LOL Let's not even get into the fact that he has been stealing protein mix out of dad's container at night, and shit himself in the middle of the night this week and got poop all over the bathroom too. Or that he also wiped his shitty little fingers all over the bedroom walls, the sheets, the blankets, the pillows and the carpet in his room. Yeah, that was a FUN night.

It's my daughter's birthday today. She's 9 this year. She's been ill for the last two days. Her tummy hurts. She has diarrhea. She went to bed early, on her own, last night and she didn't eat her breakfast this morning. I'm going to put off buying her cake for a few days, until she's feeling better.

My oldest son had been sick for going on three weeks. I finally had a panic attack about this persistent cough he's had, and took him to the peds. I thought he might have whooping cough. He doesn't. He had walking pneumonia. He had to have a breathing treatment twice in the office. He was on meds, steroids and an inhaler for a week....then he had some chest x-rays which came back perfect. He's still using the inhaler. The ped thinks he might have combination asthma and allergies. If he's still using the inhaler in two weeks, I need to take him back in to see the ped. He seems fine now and the insane coughing has subsided.

The man has been ill for a few days now too. Upset tummy, cough, irritated throat, body aches....basically the whole 9 yards and a little of what everyone else in the house has had.

I've also been extremely sick. Last week my perinatologist gave me a zpack, like they put my son on for his walking pneumonia. I've had the exact same symptoms that he's had, so I was hopeful that meds would be the end of it. It wasn't. I couldn't breathe. At all. I dug through the closet, in full out panic, only to find two empty inhalers and one expired. That's how infrequently I have needed those babies. Ended up using the expired one and still didn't get better. I was coughing until I puked and nearly peed myself every time. The coughing caused some uterine irritability and I began having a lot of contractions. I had to go see a regular doctor through my OB's group practice. He said that I have something known as reactive airway disease. I've also got horrible allergies to whatever happens to be floating around here in Texas' air. And bronchitis. He gave me a steroid and some nasal spray. The steroid knocked me straight out after I took it, and then I pretty much had a panic attack the next day because I couldn't remember feeling baby move at all. (He's fine!)

My horrible cough still continues. Thursday the OB I saw, since my OB was booked, gave me a new inahler, some inhaled steroids, and told me to take claritin and Robitussin. That crap, combined, all seems like it's starting to work. Some. Texas officially hates me. I have to admit, I'm not really that fond of IT either.

I had another ultrasound at my OB appointment. Still no pictures. Baby is head down and facing my back, we literally couldn't even see his face. He's in perfect position for delivery though, which makes me happy. I also had my first NST. Everything is looking good on that end.

My blood sugars are CRAP right now. The steroids that I'm on are messing with the levels really bad and there's really nothing that I can do about it at this point. Hopefully when I come off the meds, things will go back to the way they were before I went on them. Otherwise the peri is going to have to put me on a fast acting insulin in addition to my overnight insulin.

Blood pressure and urine look good at my appointment on Thursday. Everything else seems okay. Baby has only gained about 3 ounces this week, which is slightly distressing to me, given the fact that at this point in pregnancy he should have gained at LEAST 8oz (half a pound a week). I have two more ultrasounds next week. One with the OB on Wednesday, and another with the Peri on Friday. He was 3lbs 10oz the last time I saw the Peri, so if he's growing the way he SHOULD be, he should be about 4lbs 10oz at next Friday's BPP. Obviously his growth, or lack there of, is still concerning me. Not that it is a big shocker or anything. I am still carrying REALLY small. I could still pass for five months pregnant at this point, easily. I could probably even still hide the fact that I'm even pregnant if I really wanted to.

Yesterday I had to take the kids to the orthodontist in Austin. It's a good thing that I had someone with me. They were WAY behind yesterday and I ended up sitting there about an hour longer than I'd expected. My blood sugar dropped very quickly and I didn't have anything to snack on (my bad!)and I didn't realize there was a problem until it was too late (I was at 51 before they even called me back to schedule appointments for next visits). By the time we got out of there, I almost couldn't walk. We managed to make it to Taco Bell where I got a Pepsi and something to eat, but it was already too late. After I ate, I basically blacked out I guess, and don't remember anything between about 11:30am and 3pm....when I woke up in my bed. No idea how we got home, no idea how I got up the stairs or in the bed, just that I was IN the bed. Kind of scary.

30 weeks 3 days

I had another appointment with my perinatologist today.

Baby is doing GREAT. His weight on ultrasound was 3lbs 3oz, putting him in the 33rd percentile, which is up from the 26th percentile that he was two weeks ago. That news is such a relief!

He's moving lots, getting his practice breaths in, and his little bladder is full again too....thus all the hiccups I've been feeling from him (including right this minute LOL)

Thankfully, with the help of http://spinningbabies.com/ I was able to get him turned around again. He's no longer in the breech position and is now head down. Hopefully he stays that way, because I'm really tired of standing on my head. And I pulled my butt muscle doing it. Let me tell you though, I'd rather pull my gluteus maximus 10 times over, than have to go through an c-section ANY day!!

The peri wants me to be seen twice weekly now. I'll be seeing him once, and Dr Holley, my OB, for the other visit.

Starting tonight I have to increase my insulin by two more units. Not a big deal considering I'm going to be at 16 units and some women are at around 200 units for the entire DAY.

My blood pressure is up, but it is not at such a concerning level that he feels the need to increase my meds yet. They are going to set me up with someone that comes out to the house a couple times a week to take my blood pressure so I can be monitored more closely. For now, I just have to deal with the headaches and the swelling again for a little while.

My weight still looks great, I actually lost two pounds since my last visit. This puts me at a 13 pound baby gain, but I'm still at a 29lb loss for the entire pregnancy. Literally, my physical profile from week 22 compared to week 29, hasn't even changed. I don't look any more pregnant now, than I did then.



Both doctors now agree that a 37 week induction is the game plan with me having diabetes, high blood pressure and a history of large babies, even at 39 weeks. This means that I now have LESS THAN SEVEN WEEKS before baby will be here. And I'm ready. I've got everything I need now. The diaper bag is stocked, the diaper caddy is ready. He's got enough clothes washed, dried, folded and put away to last him the first three months, then I will have to pull some more boxes out and probably buy a few more things. But I am ready. Clear down to q-tips, gauze and vasoline.

I started taking my Evening Primrose Oil (EPO) last night orally. Hopefully I will be all ready to go cervically when induction time comes. In LESS THAN SEVEN WEEKS.

I started (and finished) baby's first blanket and layette set this last week. It's a soft blue color that daddy picked out. I picked up some white the other day and I completed the sweater for set number two and just started on the blanket for it last night.



Oh, and for the record, NO we have not officially decided on his name yet. But we do have a couple of serious options on the table and just need to nail down exact one we are going to use.

Kidney Stones and My New OB 27w6d

The last several days have been exciting, to say the very least.

From day one, I knew that my new OB's office in TX was NOT going to be a good fit for me. That point was taken to heart and well proven over the last few days. Several other choices I have made as a patient were also supported.

All day Wednesday I was feeling 'off' so to speak. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew that something wasn't right.

Wednesday evening the man went to softball practice. I didn't go, because I just wasn't feeling that good. Even though the temperatures outside had dropped about 10 degrees, I just couldn't bring myself to go anywhere. I opted to stay home with the kids. I'd taken a lengthy nap that afternoon and he actually had to wake me up before he left. About 15 minutes after he left, I got up to use the bathroom and was peeing straight blood. I knew then that I was having a kidney stone issue or a severe kidney infection. I wasn't in pain, but I knew it was serious. I tried to call him on his cell phone, but he didn't answer. I called out to my OB's office then. It was 7:30, and already after business hours. The on call OB, Dr Phelps called me back and he advised me to go to labor and delivery.

I spent the next hour and a half, calling the man, attempting to get him on the phone to come home and take me to the hospital. Bare in mind, I'm not in pain at this point, but in serious panic. I go ahead and send the kids to bed, knowing that I'm going to have to drive myself to the hospital, 40 minutes away, once he gets home. I drink 24 ounces of water, hoping it will help with the cramping that has started now.

Shortly after 9pm, he calls me and asks me what is going on. He had 27 missed calls from me. His phone was on the charger in the truck. He came home and then he told me to call him and let him know what was going on as I was leaving. I said "whatever" and left. Yes, I was pissed. I'm pregnant. Your phone should be on you. What if my water broke in the two hours you were gone and I delivered the baby and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. WHAT THEN? IDIOT.

I reach the hospital around 10pm. They call labor and delivery and I wait for someone to come and get me. I get a gown on, I leave a urine sample. The nurse asks me if I'm having any pains. I tell her that I'm having mild contractions, but I'm okay at this point minus a cramping feeling in my right side. I inform her that I've had kidney stones twice before, that I'm 99% positive that THAT is what this is and that I need some pyridium and probably an antibiotic at this point. They hook me up to the monitor to watch baby. I have a couple of contractions and then everything stops. Baby looks fine. I go through the registration process which takes nearly two hours. The nurse checks my urine and says I have trace protein, and that I've maxed out the blood on her dipstick. It stops at 250. She apparently speaks to the doctor, and comes back and says they are discharging me.

The guy did NOTHING for me. No IV fluids to help flush the stone out. No ultrasound to confirm the presence of a stone. No meds to soothe my urinary tract to help with the pain. No NOTHING. I was told to call my provider in the morning so that she could give me an ultrasound to check on the stone.

What the fuck ever. I leave to go home, and arrive there around 1am.

By 2am I am thriving in pain. Literally screaming in agony it is so bad. The man wanted to take me back to the hospital and I refused to go again. He was FURIOUS at the doctor for doing NOTHING. The doctor didn't even come and SEE me, even though he was at the hospital.

Around 4am, after 3-25mg benadryl's I finally fall asleep. I get up at 7:30 with a continuing dull ache in my right side.

I call the OB's office and tell them that I was at Labor and Delivery the night before and that I have to be seen. That I have a kidney stone, that I need meds and an ultrasound.

She gives me a 10:10 appointment. I wake everyone in the house up, so that we can go. The man refuses to get up. I have sat with him for HOURS ON END, TIME AND TIME AGAIN at doctor's appointments and hospitals, and his back hurts so he doesn't want to go. I was LIVID. I took the my oldest son with me, because he had an appointment with the orthodontist at 1:30 in Austin and I didn't know if I would make it back in time to pick him up.

I arrive at the clinic and then we wait in the waiting room for at least 30 minutes, then back in the office another 40 minutes or so before my OB finally comes in. She doesn't understand why the on-call OB didn't at least give me fluids. She gives me pyridium to help with the pain in the urinary tract and tells me that there is really nothing they can do but wait for the stone to pass. I get it, I'm pregnant. At least she gave me the perscription for the pyridium. She SHOULD have done an ultrasound, but didn't. She sent my urine off to the lab to see if I needed antibiotics, and sent me on my way.

The rest of the day, I spend in and out of random bathrooms because any urine in my bladder AT ALL is irritating. I get my son to the orthodontist. I get back into town and stop at Walmart to pick up my perscription. I stop at the dental office to see about them pulling one of my son's teeth that needs to be pulled before the braces can go on. They want to see him at 9am the next morning. Then we go home. Through all of this, I'm still angry at the man for not being with me when I needed him to be. I get home, I'm still hruting, but whatever, life goes on.

About 8pm, I'm DYING. Puking because the pain is so intense. I was ready to cut my bladder out with a steak knife. I felt like I was stabbed in the back on my right side. I was having hard contractions and screaming and crying again. I got up, got dressed and literally could not even stand upright I was in so much pain. I screamed and cried all the way down three flights of stairs. I don't waste time calling the piece of shit OB this time. The man takes me straight to the local hospital, which is eight minutes away comes back home with the kids after the ER staff gets me in the back and he's sure they are going to take care of me. I scream and cry for another hour before they finish with the ultrasound on my entire urinary tract and the baby. They were digging the damn probe into my kidney and making me hurt even worse. They admit me shortly midnight and give me a huge dose of morphine.

Within 10 minutes of being upstairs in labor and delivery, the on-call OB for the hospital is in my room. We go through my history, my high risk status, my previous pregnancy. There is a stone, right above my bladder, on my right side. It is still in the tube and that is why it's hurting so bad. It's having a hard time getting into my bladder. She is completely shocked that they did NOTHING for me at the visit the night before, because the other hospital is supposed to be a really good one. She's sorry I'm in pain, but she's glad I came back, and to a different hospital.

The severe pain fades overnight. She sends me home around lunch time with shit ton of narcotics. Enough to kill an elephant. I'm supposed to watch for the stone, and come in if the pain gets worse, of if I start to develope an infection. Burning urination etc. So far, I'm clean for an infection, which is great news. Baby still looks good. No contractions since the pain meds and pyridium are taking care of the irritation being caused to baby and my uterus.

Dr. Holley, the on-call OB who saw me, is now MY OB. I called yesterday afternoon when we got home and canceled my oppointment with the other OB clinic and let them know that I would NOT be returning. That they were completely incompetent. That Dr Phelp's bedside manner was SHIT and that I could have DIED because of his stupid mistakes and failure to give me an ultrasound to investigate where my stone was at. Had I had a full out blockage, I could have gotten sepsis and DIED! All the while they said there was 'nothing we can do'. I was severely dehydrated and that is what was causing the contractions. I could have lost my baby because of THEM. That I would NEVER recommend their practice to ANYONE I knew.

I'm still in a fair amount of pain. Still waiting for the stone to pass. Today pretty much went with me getting up around 8am, yelling at one of the kids for some reason I couldn't remember later, taking another round of pain meds, sitting at the computer for 30 minutes before the med kicked in, then crawling back in bed and sleeping until 2pm. I haven't taken more meds yet, and the pain is ever present, but I would really like to get some sleep tonight, at a normal time.

Overall, I'm really happy that I have a new OB. She is fantastic. She met all the kids and the man. They all liked her too. No more driving 40 minutes away to see a public health style doctor who doesn't really give a shit about their patients. No more wasted gas. No more wasted time. And our new hospital is better than the other one. The nurses are just as nice and everyone will be a lot happier in the end.

I also get to continue seeing my perinatologist, because Dr Holley refers ALL of her high risk patients to him. He is THAT GOOD. :)

27 weeks 1 day

Great news, the increase on my blood pressure medicine must be working. I'm only really having a headache first thing when I wake up in the morning. Also, no more face or lip swelling since the increase! WOOHOO! I can't check my BP, because insurance won't cover a cuff and I can't buy a new one yet, but I took my BP in the grocery store today and it was 119/78, which is GREAT!!

I completed my 24 hour urine collection and the rest of my blood tests this morning, but I'm pretty sure my urine will be clean, because I bought some keytone strips and have been testing my urine at home LOL

I need to call and talk to the nurse about upping my insulin at night time again, from 12 to 14 units. My fasting levels are starting to creep up again, and have been for four days running. I see that there is an every three weeks pattern going on LOL

Saturday I get to go and spend the entire day at my OB's office doing some seven hour long prenatal workshop so I can earn a voucher for a free carseat. I'm not super excited about this. I've given birth four times already. Things haven't changed since the last time other than the fact that I'm high risk and get more attention this time. Whatever. Beggers can't be choosers. I'm not getting a shower and I'm pretty sure baby won't get any gifts either, so at least we will get something we are going to NEED purchased, or at least at a discounted rate.

I made about two hours worth of phone calls today. Apparently here in the great state of Texas, everything really is bigger, including foreskin....because insurance here covers circumcisons. The last baby was covered under his daddy on Tricare, which surprised me. My oldest two boys had to be paid for in cash. Good times.

Other than that, things are going okay.

I am entering panic mode about my delivery. I'm alone here in TX, with no one, other than my partner for support. That kind of puts us in a sticky situation as far as my delivery goes. Either we find some stranger to watch our four kids for 12-18 hours while I labor and give birth, or I do this all alone. I'm trying not to get hysterical over the prospect of giving birth alone. Or having a c-section alone. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I could go in to have an emergency c-section and DIE and not have the man I love, or ANYONE who loves me by my side. I'm trying to ignore the fact that shit like that happens to me. The stuff nobody thinks could ever happen, happens to me LOL. I don't want to have my baby alone. I don't want to share those moments with a strange nurse and a doctor that probably isn't even going to be my own because they are a revolving practice that rotates who is 'on call'. Mentally, it's a huge challenge for me right now to keep my head on straight. I wish I had close friends or family here. I wish I was home in Washington. I wish I was having a home birth and none of the hospital crap even mattered. I wish there was someone that could put their life on hold for a day and either be there with me, or take care of my kids....and there is just not. Anyone. I think that is the toughest pill that I have had to swallow yet. Far tougher than making the leap to move across the country, out of my home state, for the first time EVER.

26 weeks 3 days

I had my appointment with the perinatologist today.

They did an ultrasound to check baby's movement and his breathing. Baby is taking some regular practice breaths, which they can see with the rise and fall of the diaphram.

Baby looks good. Placenta looks good. Cord looks good.

I have to stop by the lab tomorrow after my OB appointment (I was exhausted today and it was too hot to stop again!) They are going to run some labs on me (CBC and Metabolic panel). We are also going to do another 24 hour urine collection to check for protein and creatinine.

He's upping my BP med to twice a day. That should help with the headaches. If I'm not feeling better in a week and the headaches and swelling are still going on, then I need to call and they will either up me again or we will try a new med.

He also wrote me out a prescription for a blood pressure cuff/machine since my old one is now fubar'ed. If my insurance happens to not cover it, they have a program where they can send a nurse out once a take to take my BP and do a urine collection daily so that I don't have to come in every day or be in the hospital.

I'm to continue to try my best to stay off my feet as much as possible, but I'm NOT on specific bed rest at this time. And NO HOSPITAL. YAY!!!!

He's not worried about the face swelling (weird) or the three week long headache (because it goes away when my BP is down).

We are going to watch me super close now, not that we weren't already though.

I will have another big ultrasound in two weeks to check out baby's size to see if he's growing more or not. Since there are some concerns about his size and possible IUGR (interuterine growth restriction). If his growth percentile starts to decrease, we could have a problem, but he looks good right now, even though he's tiny.

As far as my diabetes, my blood sugar looks FANTASTIC.

I did mention to him that I'm really not feeling good, and when I don't feel good, I tend to eat whatever I want to, even if I'm not supposed to. In a "Get the fuck away from me, I'm eating the damn brownies and I don't care what you have to say about it" kind of way. I only have SO MUCH self control and the more stressed or anxious I am right now, the less able I am to handle controlling what I put in my mouth. He didn't give me the green light to eat whatever I want, but he said my numbers look good and he's not worried if I have to eat some brownies LOL

As far as my weight gain goes, I'm up four pounds since my last visit two weeks ago. I had that massive weight loss, so I'm still down 37lbs, but I've gained 6lbs from my all time low. Which is really good. At least I'm not losing MORE. It's the brownies I tell you!!!! Six pounds of brownies, straight to my thighs and ass!!! LOL

26 weeks

Today marks 26 weeks for me, and I can assure you, I am mostly dreading my visit Wednesday morning with the perinatologist.

I'm pretty certain that based on my BP's this last week that the medication is failing to control my BP adaquitely enough. It makes me wonder exactly how high my BP would be WITHOUT the medication though.

I've awoken every single morning in the last week with swelling in my lips, along with a little numbness and tingling. Some days are substantially worse than others. Strangely enough, it seems to go away within a few hours of awakening. My entire face is not swelling, but my lips most certainly are.



The swelling in my hands is very minimal. Noticeable to me, but not outlandish. And the swelling in my ankles...or cankles as the man has referred to them now, is worst in the afternoon, even if I haven't been out in the heat or up and about.

I've also noted the onset of that throbbing headache that begins some time in the afternoon, doesn't go away with tylenol and continues until about an hour or so after I've taken my BP med again in the morning.

I've had some spotty disturbances with my vision in the afternoon to late evening but it is still going away within a few minutes. It's not hanging around, so that makes me feel better.

I know that it is definately time for another 24 hour urine collection. And probably for an increase in my BP meds. Beyond that, I'm not sure what is going to happen.

I certainly hate my body right now. It's doing everything that it can to reject this baby. And that's just not cool with me.

One thing rest very certainly in my heart right now though. That is the fact that I know, in the end, he will be JUST fine, no matter what happens to end this pregnancy. I know this, because every pregnancy I have carried a child, someone in the family has died, and my baby ends up fine. Just last night, that happened.

There is no sadness, no grief, no feeling of loss. The family drama was far too deep for that. I have learned one lesson, and that is that I will not do the same. I will stand by MY family, my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren and protect them when it is necessary for me to do so. Blood will always be thicker than water for me.

Were I able to travel the 2500 miles back to Washington right now, I would not. I do wish I was a fly on the wall right now though, to watch the fight that happens over her possessions. Her daughters at least, are petty, greedy and despicable. They have plotted for years about who would get what. Maybe I'm just in the mood for a little hair pulling, face slapping, nail scratching, bitch fight. LOL I'm glad my father will at least do the honorable thing, hold his head high and walk away.

24 weeks 4 days

24 weeks. Viability. We have achieved viability. It's a milestone that every expectant mother anticipates meeting. Some never achieve it, and many are born shortly after. Every day counts.

That is kind of where we are right now. Every single day matters.

This week my perinatologist increased my insulin dosage to 12 units of insulin per night. It has worked wonderfully, and I'm now within the acceptable range that they want me to be with my fasting numbers.

I was also put on a second medication for my blood pressure and taken off of the first medication due to an allergic reaction. The biggest side effect of this medication is the dizziness that it causes. I woke up this morning at 3AM to the WORST case of the spins that I have EVER experienced. Put yourself on the spaceship ride that is at the fair, called The Gravitron and ride it for several hours. I literally did not have the ability to roll over in bed and make it to the bathroom by myself it was so bad. Thankfully the intensity of the spins have worn off some and things are more or less just swaying back and forth now rather than full on spinning. Although, it did NOT help the nausea that I experienced this morning. I'm supposed to give it through the weekend, and if it doesn't go away, they are going to try me on a third medication.

I had an 'anatomy scan' today. Basically it's like a regular ultrasound, only a little more in-depth. The doctor wanted to look at each of baby's fingers and toes and do complete measurements again.

The BEST news we have, is that the baby's heart is still looking great.

The baby is still very tiny though. He is still measuring about two weeks behind. His weight is 1lb 5oz, which puts him in the 25th percentile. The largest we can hope for him to get is approximately 7 1/2 lbs, but probably closer to 6 1/2. This is a little unsettling for me, and I was worried that there was something that I had done, but the doctor just reassured me that he was still within normal range, even though he was tiny, and that nothing I have done, or haven't done, could have caused him to be so tiny. I have ALWAYS had big babies. My smallest baby was 8lbs 6ozs. Everyone else was bigger than that. It feels WRONG for him to be tiny.

We want to keep baby in the 25th percentile. If, during my next scan, he is at all below the 25th, we will worry about growth restriction and other things that could possibly be going on.

My target right now is 34 weeks. That is the point we would like to achieve at the least. Ideally, I will make it to 36 or 38 weeks.

The situation with my blood pressure right now is much more concerning than my diabetes. I was told, straight up, that I have about a 1 in 3 chance of developing pre-eclampsia due to my pre-existing conditions. Right now, my blood pressure can be stabilized with medication. The headaches are moderate, my swelling is minimal, and my 24 hour urine collection was 159 for protein and that doesn't get concerning until we are nearing the 300 level, which is grounds for an immediate c-section, no matter where you are in your pregnancy.

I'm currently seeing my perinatologist every two weeks, and my ob/gyn once a month. The further along I get, or however worse my condition becomes, I will be seeing doctors more and more regularly. Within the next month, I will be seeing someone once a week. Nearing the end of my pregnancy, I will be seeing someone probably 3 times a week.

Mentally, I am still pretty content with knowing all of this information. Knowing the statistics. Knowing the risk factors. Knowing the consequences of premature birth. It makes me sad knowing there is not much that I can do, but at the same time, I'm still really grateful that we have the best doctor that we could possibly have right now. And he's not afraid to answer the VERY tough questions that I sometimes present to him. I can be a difficult person to deal with, and it's hard to be put on the spot sometimes, especially when you are dealing with an emotional pregnant woman to boot and don't really know what to expect from her LOL

23 weeks 4 days

After a week's worth of home monitoring of my blood pressure, the doctor called me and has decided that my blood pressure is consistently elevated and that I needed to start taking medication. I will be taking a medication called Labetalol twice a day, starting tonight. Ultimately, I am thankful that we can go the medication route instead of going straight to bed rest like my OB/GYN suggested would happen. I cannot imagine being a full time mother of four and being on bed rest for the next 3 1/2 months or so.

I was also given a supply of insulin and syringes. I have to inject myself with insulin at bedtime to bring my fasting numbers down. At this point, it is highly likely that the dosage, which is currently 10 units, will have to be increased over the remainder of my pregnancy. Most pregnant women with gestational diabetes will generally have to have their insulin needs increased around their 30th week due to placenta and fetal grown, increased resistance hormones, and increased speed of insulin breakdown.

Currently, this particular insulin is one that works over a long period of time, basically an extended release. The nurse said it does NOT carry the same risk as the Glyburide does in the sense of sugars dropping too low in the middle of the night and possible death, which was a relief for my heart and mind!! She also said it will start working INSTANTLY. I won't have to wait 3 or more days to figure out if my body is going to have an issue with it, or if it's going to work at all.

I am confident that no matter what happens, that I am possibly in the best hands that I could EVER be in. I didn't know it at the time, but my doctor is basically the BEST doctor in this area for me. He was actually appointed Medical Director of High Risk Ultrasound and Fetal Testing for an entire group of hospitals in our area, which includes five hospitals. It goes a long ways, knowing that your doctor is competent.

My next baby appointment is with him on the second, for an ultrasound and followup. I'm sure there will be other tests done at that time too now, considering the medication addition and the fact that now I will need to be monitored even more closely.

Until then....one more day at a time.

22 weeks 4 days

I had my second visit with the perinatologist two days ago.

I stabilized my weight for two weeks, and actually gained one pound, but I'm really not going to count it, because I'm pretty sure that in two more weeks, it will be gone again LOL

All my lab work that the perinatologist had done, including my 24 hour urine, came back great.

My blood pressure is under observation now. Since the babydaddy has high blood pressure, we have a machine at the house. I will be taking my blood pressures twice a day for the next two weeks, and bringing the results in to the perinatologist when I go back in. When I was there, my BP was in the 140/95 range.  Some of my home tests have been SUBSTANTIALLY higher than that. 180/98 and even 191/101.

Today in the OB's office, it was 133/98 (any first number over 140 is suspect, and any second number 90 and above is suspect according to the standards for pregnancy). So even though my first number had dropped some, my second number was still considered high. I'm also dumping protien in my urine and have the accompanying headaches. Which basically signals pre-eclampsia, but they don't like to actually diagnose it until the third trimester. The third trimester technically begins at 26 weeks. Anything that begins between the 20th and 32nd week is considered 'early onset'. Most likely, they will not try and medicate me for the high blood pressure. They will put me on bedrest, monitor me more closely and make me do 24 hour urine's once a week or so to monitor the protien.

The perinatologists wants me to have another ultrasound in two weeks (June 2nd). I will have my first Non-stress test (NST) at 32 weeks. I also need to have an EKG done on my heart, and have an eye exam done to make sure that having diabetes hasn't damaged my heart or my eyes during my pregnancy.

I was also told that I will be induced some time between my 36th and 38th week, depending on when my cervix is ready. I walked around dialated to 4cms for a month prior to my induction with my last baby at 39 weeks, so most likely they will be taking the baby around my 36th week and he will end up in the NICU for a little while to make sure he's okay. Which means all the stuff that goes along with that. Like steroid injections for the baby to make sure his lungs are developed in utero before they deliver me.

If my blood pressure insists on continuing to be an issue, and I have to be on bedrest, and being on bedrest does not help my blood pressure levels, I could end up on hospital bedrest, or having an even earlier delivery than at 36weeks. Considering the fact that I've had four babies before this one, and as well versed as I am via experience and research, I am aware of most of the consequences this could have on our baby. The only cure for pregnancy related high blood pressure is DELIVERY. The survival rate for girls born premature is much better than for boys born premature, as well as the consequences. They can't quite explain it, but it's the way it is. I won't bore you with any more of the morbid details, it is what it is, but I have every intention on keeping this baby right where he belongs at least until that 36 week mark.

That is what is going on with baby and I right now. We are just taking it one day at a time.

Oh, and we have a name, but we aren't telling. :-p

18 weeks already...

I have reached the 18 week mark now.

I also had another OB visit today with the new OB office.

Some things happened to change my perspective today and I am hopeful that things will be BETTER from this point forward.

Apparently nobody did their job informing me of the way that business is conducted in the office, and that was a FAIL on their part.

The nurse called me back to check my blood pressure and weight (For the record, I am currently stabilized at 316lbs, which is 38lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight.) and mentioned to me that I was there for a GYNO visit. I was like, 'uh, NO, I'm not. I'm 18 weeks pregnant, I have an OB visit. Nobody is gettin' up in my business today LOL' She sent me back out to the waiting room where I sat for another 10 minutes or so

The head RN came out and got me and took me into an actual office to find out what was going on. I let her know that I was NOT there for a GYNO exam, and would not be having one because I've already had the one necessary for my pregnancy. That I was not intending on staying with their practice because of the negative experience that I'd had during my first visit. She asked for more details, and I told her that I, and the father of my child, felt that this clinic lacked the experience and knowledge to properly care for a high risk patient. That we had certain expectations for my care, that included more frequent visits, close monitoring and managing my diabetes during my pregnancy. That during my first visit, the doctor had not gone over my sugars, or even asked about them, nor had she dopplered the baby until I ASKED her to. I felt that the clinic was incompetent of caring for us and we deserved better than sub-standard care.

She informed me of a LOT of things. Including the fact that the majority of their patients are high risk. That the clinic DOES KNOW how to manage me and my issues. She apologized that I was not informed prior to my first visit that the protocol for the clinic is that the first visit to the clinic is STRICTLY a pregnancy verification visit. The second visit is a GYNO appointment where they also do pregnancy related blood work. Visit number three is strictly genetic, Q&A related. From that point on, you have 'regular OB visits'. She also said that rather than seeing high risk patients every two weeks, high risk patients are seen on the regular OB schedule and alternate on the two week mark with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist (ie a perinatologist. The MFMS is the one that gives you your ultrasound, and your NST's. She said that she hoped that, given all the information I NOW had, that I would reconsider changing doctors after that point. That she actually is also a patient at the clinic and the doctors are all really great. And that at ANY point in my pregnancy, if the physicians felt that my situation was beyond the scope of their experience, they WOULD refer me to someone else who would be able to care for me.

In the end, I was really relieved that my first impressions were wrong. I'd rather NOT change clinics again, even if I have to change doctors.

I got lots of paperwork today. A local resource list, a list of other services provided through Texas A&M, and among other things, a signing sheet that I have to have signed for every visit....if I don't skip any appointments, after 12 appointments, I will get a coupon for a free car seat. Which is awesome, because it means that I can pick out a GIRL car seat if we are having a girl :)

Baby's heart rate looked great. It was in the 150s.

She DID ask about my blood sugars and said that they ONLY way to bring down my fasting levels would be with medication. She said since my 2-hour levels were looking great that showed that I was really sticking to the diet. I told her it was all really about portion control and manipulation. That I was still eating cheesecake. She laughed and said that now she wanted to go to the cheesecake factory for dinner.

She put in my referral for the Austin Maternal Fetal Medicine. She said they would be doing my ultrasound (hopefully next week) and would be seeing me every two weeks, alternating from when she saw me. They would also be the ones that would go over my sugars and give me medication if I needed it.

I had to call and find out where my records were. Apparently my doctor's office mailed them out LAST Friday, but they still haven't arrived yet. Which tells me it's taking more than a week for mail to get from there to here.

Overall, I'm feeling better about the doctor situation. And it does help to know that I only owe $14 for my last visit. Which my medical insurance will pick up once it FINALLY goes through, which may still be a bit longer since they are asking for MORE information now and I have to go into the office again to drop it off. Monday morning. Hopefully that will square away everything and that will be the end of it.

Settling In

Today is the first day in nearly three full weeks that I have been able to sit down and write. We just got our internet, cable and phone service installed the day before yesterday...which was installed by a black man with a full on, top and bottom, gold grill. It took everything I had in me to not laugh. It was something that I had never seen in real life before and I honestly thought it was something that only rappers did. It still makes me laugh. He somehow managed to not do his job right, and we were still without telephone service more than 24 hours later. We were also told that we would be getting THREE cable boxes, and only ended up getting ONE. AND the internet was BASIC internet and not wireless, so we had to run out and buy a wireless router. Spending money we didn't really have didn't make me very happy, but at least I have my internet back. It has been a horribly long wait, that wasn't helped by the fact that the woman in the office didn't put the request in for us BEFORE WE GOT HERE like she was ASKED to do. Two weeks later, she still hadn't put the request in, and we had to go above her for it. I pretty much want to punch this broad in the face.

As far as me, baby and our medical state go, I'm struggling a little. Texas hospitals and physicians will not accept out of state medical programs. I went to the hospital to get a once over and a referral and they flat out refused to see me, because 'nothing was wrong' with me. I wasn't bleeding, cramping or contracting, so they couldn't do anything. Including get me a referral. I ended up eventually finding a resource that I could utilize, a sliding fee clinic at Texas A&M's Health Science division. They will basically hold my bill until my new insurance company kicks in and takes over.

Let me tell you though, I am LESS THAN SATISFIED with the level of care that I have received there. I've only had ONE visit and I already know that I hate the place. The doctor that I saw struck me as extremely incompetent. She's an OB/GYN with basically no concept of ANYTHING pregnancy related. It didn't matter to her at all that I am high risk. She didn't want to see my sugar levels for the previous weeks. She didn't ask how the trip had gone, or inquire to make sure that I had stopped often for bathroom breaks or to get out and walk. No questions about complications in prior pregnancies. Not a word about my medications. She didn't even DOPPLER THE BABY, until I straight up ASKED. Honestly, it SICKENS me to my very CORE that I have to go back and see her for at least one more visit before I can get myself a REAL doctor. The complete doctor/insurance situation has made me not seek medical attention for a few situations that I'm currently dealing with on my own right now, but really do need to see a doctor for. Particularly a cyst that has abscessed, and an infection.

In the middle of all this transition, I am now 17.2 weeks pregnant, and I should be worrying about and looking forward to my BIG ULTRASOUND where we find out the sex of the baby. Something that generally occurs between the 18th and 20th week. Yeah, I'm REALLY not happy about THAT one.

The baby is moving a bit now. We have felt some pretty good movement in the last couple of days. This baby is busy. I'm getting heartburn more often, which kinda makes me laugh because I don't feel like this baby has even GROWN. I haven't gained a pound of weight, only lost thus far.

The only real 'productive' thing that I've managed to do since we have been here, is get two of the kids set to start school on Monday morning. The third child that goes to school has special circumstances where we actually have to sit down with staff members and have a meeting before we can start him in school. We have to make sure he is in the appropriate program and that everything is going to be good from the get go.

The other half tore the ligaments in his hand and thumb while playing on the playground with the baby. On our way back from seeing the doctor, we stopped at McDonalds, where he got food poisioning from eating chicken that was either cooked inproperly or unsanitary conditions in the kitchen. BET I called the Health Inspector and ALSO mentioned that they had flies all over their dining area and that they probably have maggots in the back somewhere. Good times.

Ultimately, I am really missing Washington. There is a lot going on back home and people need me. CHILDREN need me and I should be there and I'm not. I feel guilty for that. I also really loathe change. The struggle to change schools, doctors, hospitals....find new grocery stores, restaurants, places to play.....really makes me sick and wears me down. For the most part, I just want to sit on the couch right now and not DO anything. I don't want to unpack a single box more and they are towering everywhere. I don't particularly feel like socializing with anyone aside from my immediate family either.

Don't get me wrong, we are GOOD right now, I'm just not real happy with a lot of things/situations that are ultimately out of my control at this point in time.

For now, I will stop there. I want to get to the stuff that is happening at home, but it really does need it's own blog.

The packers spent their first full day here today.

They packed up both the kids' rooms, which we were prepared for. They packed both the hall and the linen closet, which we were also prepared for. We were not as prepared to have the dining room done, or the storage closet on the porch, but we managed okay. We absolutely were NOT prepared to have the living room done.

After they left, we realized that some things got picked up that should not have and unfortunately we had a major crisis when they packed up some of the man's medication. Which I quickly diverted when I found the RIGHT box, on the first try and found his pills inside.

But the evening still ended in tears.

Somehow they managed to pack up my favorite and BRAND NEW pair of slippers that I planned on wearing for most of the ride to Texas. I cried. A lot.

The man promised we would go to Walmart and get me a new pair since we won't see mine for at least three weeks, but it's not the same and it's not okay. I need them RIGHT NOW. And they are packed in a damn box somewhere. Obviously the pregnant hormones got the best of me. And I cried pitifully.

And now my feet are cold.

I packed up most of the Master bathroom tonight, the stuff that is left in there needs to stay, unfortunately, and come with us in the truck. We HAVE to have a shower curtain for the three more nights we will be staying here LOL

The Master bedroom is MOSTLY ready to be packed now. I have all my stuff together or in a bag, ready to go into the bathroom in the morning.

The man, on the other hand, hasn't done SHIT as far as packing himself. And it's 10pm. I don't know when he plans on DOING it.

Our bedding is going to stay on the bed for another two nights, then get washed and put back in the bag that we bought it in, and taken to the new place. We will be putting it on our super high air mattress when we get to Texas, since we will be sleeping in the house for almost a week before they come to deliver our stuff. Everything else in the room will basically get packed around us.

I broke down the desktop computer tonight, there was so much dust in the back that I had to stop twice just to take a breather. It's funny, because we have sprayed it out with compressed air religiously like I've been taught to, but it literally just builds up on the floor and the wall behind the desk anyway.

Besides the Master bed and bath, the kitchen and the laundry room are the only two places left to be taken care of.  It's certainly happening a lot faster than we thought it would.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, even though I just babysat movers today and I have a feeling that I won't be getting any sleep until MUCH later since the man hasn't done HIS shit yet. >:-{

Take your medication and SHOVE.IT.

I called my OB/GYN's office this morning and talked to the nurse. My doctor is out today and won't be back until Monday morning. The doctor she talked to wants me to keep taking the medication. He said that I'm JUST starting my second trimester, I'm still going to be having a lot of nausea and vomiting issues, and I'm GOING to be tired and stressed out. She also said OBVIOUSLY nobody can MAKE me take the medication, and if I choose NOT to, to just REALLY stick to the diet, make sure I'm getting my snacks in and watch my sugars really closely.

Let me tell you something MR. DOCTOR WHOEVER YOU ARE. I've had Hyperemisis for three whole pregnancies and was hospitalized at least once for EVERY one of my four previously completed pregnancies. I KNOW what strictly having nausea and vomiting FEELS LIKE. I also know what TIRED is. This is pregnancy number six, I KNOW what tired is. Asshole. I also know what STRESSED is. Asshole. And I'm not STRESSED about packing and moving stuff because I don't have to lift a FINGER. Sure, I'm moderately stressed about moving some place new and having to do a bunch of shit like find new providers on a time schedule, but that comes with part of moving. I moved during my last pregnancy and was fine. ALSO, How do you explain the fact that I ONLY had these symptoms while on the medication, but they suddenly VANISHED as soon as I stopped taking the medication? Mr. Doctor who knows EVERYTHING, when was the last time YOU were pregnant? And have you been pregnant five or six times already? NO. IDIOT.

Anyway, the nurse is going to keep my message for Monday when MY doctor comes back, but I'm pretty sure MY doctor is going to say the same thing. And frankly, I don't give a fucking SHIT what she has to say. I cannot take the medication because I cannot FUNCTION on it. I might as well be in a vegetative state on this medication.

Vegetables cannot drive to Texas. Damn it.

I hate this medication.

I HATE this medication. Like to the extent that I want to go see the doctor and scream profanities in her face right now, but don't have the energy to.

I'm on Glyburide 2.5mg

The first night, I didn't sleep at all. I had to GAG down a peanut butter sandwich, because I have to have the protein before I go to sleep and that was what she recommended. I was up and down ALL night, freaking out that my blood sugar was going to drop too low and I really was going to DIE IN MY SLEEP. When it was time to wake up, not only did I NOT want to get out of bed, but I seriously STRUGGLED to do so. I was a zombie through the rest of the day, and fell asleep some time around 2:30 in the afternoon and slept till almost 7. Thankfully Dan was up by that time and someone was around to take care of the baby.

Night two wasn't quite as bad, but almost. I almost hurled in the middle of trying to force the PB sandwich down, and again at the end, even though I was attempting to wash the nastiness down with milk. Again, I struggled to get out of bed. I felt sluggish and tired and just yucky in general. But there is no other reason for it, except the med. I'd slept from 11 the night before, to 7:30. (8 1/2 hours)

I didn't get dressed until it was almost time to leave and take the baby to get his last couple of shots before we leave for Texas. From there, we ran back to the apartment so I could get some things, and believe me, climbing the stairs was the most energy draining thing I have ever done. I wanted to collapse and sleep by the time I got to the front door and we are talking two half-flights. So it's only ONE flight of stairs in all. We went and saw the ATTORNEY (which is a blog in and of itself later) and came home around 2:30, only for me to fall asleep again until 6. (3 1/2 more hours)

We ran to Winco, because in the middle of my crappiness, I'd forgotten to go to the grocery store for baby food. I got some Almond Butter. Some sunflower seeds, some mixed nuts, and some edemame. And let me tell you, ALL of it tastes like CRAP. I had to gag the shit down for a THIRD night in a row. I would rather DIE than ever see a creamy nut or eat some kind crap that tastes like DIRT again. Nastiness, the lot of it.

After I ate a little dinner, I set my alarm to do my blood sugar test like I always do, and managed to fall back to sleep almost immediately (for another two hours. 8-10pm) Then I got up, was up LESS than an hour and right back to sleep again, until 8am this morning. (9 more hours)

It's the same deal again this morning. The only reason I got dressed was because the babydaddy insisted that he had an appointment today for pre-op surgery and I convinced him he was an IDIOT to do the surgery before we leave for Texas in SEVEN DAYS because the soonest they would probably get him in, would probably be AFTER we leave. I had some Kashi cereal and sat on the couch for a while, slumping over further and further the longer I sat there, until finally I had to pry my dead ass off the couch and staggered to bed again. It's 10am and I am in BED because I have zero energy or life left in me. My fingers aren't working right, my eyes aren't working right, I feel like I'm going to HURL and if I just lay here for five minutes, I'll probably fall asleep.

I DON'T WANT TO SEELP!!!!

I have CRAP to DO! I am supposed to be getting this house ready for the movers and I cannot even FUNCTION RIGHT NOW. And I should mention that I am swelling ever so slightly. We got my ring sized a half a size larger than I would need it because we knew by the end of my pregnancy that I was going to need that half a size for swelling room. I AM ALREADY USING IT. There is an indentation in my finger from the ring!!!

I hate this. I HATE IT. I don't like being sick. I certainly don't like being sick for NO REASON. And even MORESO, I don't like being sick when I can just STOP TAKING THE MEDICATION AND FEEL BETTER. I want to break shit and punch people and I don't even have the energy. I will surely spend the next six months, in bed, crying my god forsaken EYES OUT.

I can't DO anything. I probably should not be driving when I feel like this. I hate feeling helpless. It doesn't suit me well for as independent as I am. And I want to puke. This pregnancy is going to go down in history, not only as my LAST, but as my WORST.

IT BETTER BE A GIRL. That's all I gotta say.