23 weeks 4 days

After a week's worth of home monitoring of my blood pressure, the doctor called me and has decided that my blood pressure is consistently elevated and that I needed to start taking medication. I will be taking a medication called Labetalol twice a day, starting tonight. Ultimately, I am thankful that we can go the medication route instead of going straight to bed rest like my OB/GYN suggested would happen. I cannot imagine being a full time mother of four and being on bed rest for the next 3 1/2 months or so.

I was also given a supply of insulin and syringes. I have to inject myself with insulin at bedtime to bring my fasting numbers down. At this point, it is highly likely that the dosage, which is currently 10 units, will have to be increased over the remainder of my pregnancy. Most pregnant women with gestational diabetes will generally have to have their insulin needs increased around their 30th week due to placenta and fetal grown, increased resistance hormones, and increased speed of insulin breakdown.

Currently, this particular insulin is one that works over a long period of time, basically an extended release. The nurse said it does NOT carry the same risk as the Glyburide does in the sense of sugars dropping too low in the middle of the night and possible death, which was a relief for my heart and mind!! She also said it will start working INSTANTLY. I won't have to wait 3 or more days to figure out if my body is going to have an issue with it, or if it's going to work at all.

I am confident that no matter what happens, that I am possibly in the best hands that I could EVER be in. I didn't know it at the time, but my doctor is basically the BEST doctor in this area for me. He was actually appointed Medical Director of High Risk Ultrasound and Fetal Testing for an entire group of hospitals in our area, which includes five hospitals. It goes a long ways, knowing that your doctor is competent.

My next baby appointment is with him on the second, for an ultrasound and followup. I'm sure there will be other tests done at that time too now, considering the medication addition and the fact that now I will need to be monitored even more closely.

Until then....one more day at a time.

Drama of the Sister variety.

More than a month ago I mentioned that a new breed of drama may be encroaching on my family bubble.

Let me explain.

Of all my siblings, I am the only one who has honestly ever been worth a shit. In their ONLY defense, they chose 'other' options in their lives. One choice in particular, that has lead to their ultimately unfortunate lives was their choice, as teenagers, to remain in the toxic environment that their father and his family created for them. They had the choice to be in a structured environment, the same one that I was raised in. A place with rules, regulations, chores, curfews and expectations....and they chose against that. They chose freedom. The freedom to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, with whoever they wanted. In turn, they have both turned into the drug addicted, criminal types. One has been in and out of jail and prison, and the other in and out of rehab at various times over their 30 plus years of life.

I, on the other hand, while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, have become a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman who has taken the completely opposite path that they have chosen.

At this current place in time, my step-sister has recently relapsed into her crack cocaine addition in the last four months and has basically brought the entire world that circulates within her range, down with her. Including her fiance and her children. She is set to lose her fiance, is facing an eviction from her home and will probably lose her children TOMORROW MORNING at the emergency meeting if she does not ACT NOW and get her shit together.

Two of these children have been through this before. They WILL NEVER return to her care if the state steps in to remove them. This also means that our family will probably never see these kids again. They are already disadvantaged because of their absent fathers and their mother's off and on relapse pattern. My heart aches to imagine the extremely hard road they would face were they placed into the foster care system, separated from each other, and bounced around from house to house and school to school for the next 5 to 16 years.

My parents cannot take them in again, for various reasons that are completely understandable. Nobody wants to further support her behavior, or be enabling of her. Absolutely people are done cleaning up her messes for her and helping her get her shit together.

That leaves me.

Unfortunately for the kids, my family just moved half a country away and I am not in a position to do very much.

After a lengthy discussion with my other half, I had the opportunity to speak with my step-sister on the telephone yesterday. I informed her that the ONLY option she had left to her was to go and pick up her children from our brother where they currently are, get in her truck, and drive her ass to Texas, to ME.

She didn't even know that I was pregnant. Or that we had already left for Texas yet.  I made her cry a lot, and hope that the words that I left with her were sincerely receieved. She is going to have a few obstacles in her trek to get here if she does decide to actually come, and either my partner or I might have to actually fly back to Washington and drive her here ourselves due to a licensing issue. Her ability to gather the funds it would cost for gas to get here is going to be a small hurdle.....but it is possible.

I feel helpless right now because there is nothing that I can do. I feel like an asshole for abandoning my family in a sense. I feel stuck because I cannot help MORE. I cannot save everyone, but given the opportunity, I would. I would absolutely save these kids. There is no question in my mind that they would already be WITH me if I was at home. I am, and this situation is, the ONLY option that these kids have left.

The last time this happened was in 2005. We had 9 people in a two bedroom mobile home with one bathroom. This time, we will have 10 people in a four bedroom two bath apartment. I think we can handle it. She just needs to GET here now.