Settling In

Today is the first day in nearly three full weeks that I have been able to sit down and write. We just got our internet, cable and phone service installed the day before yesterday...which was installed by a black man with a full on, top and bottom, gold grill. It took everything I had in me to not laugh. It was something that I had never seen in real life before and I honestly thought it was something that only rappers did. It still makes me laugh. He somehow managed to not do his job right, and we were still without telephone service more than 24 hours later. We were also told that we would be getting THREE cable boxes, and only ended up getting ONE. AND the internet was BASIC internet and not wireless, so we had to run out and buy a wireless router. Spending money we didn't really have didn't make me very happy, but at least I have my internet back. It has been a horribly long wait, that wasn't helped by the fact that the woman in the office didn't put the request in for us BEFORE WE GOT HERE like she was ASKED to do. Two weeks later, she still hadn't put the request in, and we had to go above her for it. I pretty much want to punch this broad in the face.

As far as me, baby and our medical state go, I'm struggling a little. Texas hospitals and physicians will not accept out of state medical programs. I went to the hospital to get a once over and a referral and they flat out refused to see me, because 'nothing was wrong' with me. I wasn't bleeding, cramping or contracting, so they couldn't do anything. Including get me a referral. I ended up eventually finding a resource that I could utilize, a sliding fee clinic at Texas A&M's Health Science division. They will basically hold my bill until my new insurance company kicks in and takes over.

Let me tell you though, I am LESS THAN SATISFIED with the level of care that I have received there. I've only had ONE visit and I already know that I hate the place. The doctor that I saw struck me as extremely incompetent. She's an OB/GYN with basically no concept of ANYTHING pregnancy related. It didn't matter to her at all that I am high risk. She didn't want to see my sugar levels for the previous weeks. She didn't ask how the trip had gone, or inquire to make sure that I had stopped often for bathroom breaks or to get out and walk. No questions about complications in prior pregnancies. Not a word about my medications. She didn't even DOPPLER THE BABY, until I straight up ASKED. Honestly, it SICKENS me to my very CORE that I have to go back and see her for at least one more visit before I can get myself a REAL doctor. The complete doctor/insurance situation has made me not seek medical attention for a few situations that I'm currently dealing with on my own right now, but really do need to see a doctor for. Particularly a cyst that has abscessed, and an infection.

In the middle of all this transition, I am now 17.2 weeks pregnant, and I should be worrying about and looking forward to my BIG ULTRASOUND where we find out the sex of the baby. Something that generally occurs between the 18th and 20th week. Yeah, I'm REALLY not happy about THAT one.

The baby is moving a bit now. We have felt some pretty good movement in the last couple of days. This baby is busy. I'm getting heartburn more often, which kinda makes me laugh because I don't feel like this baby has even GROWN. I haven't gained a pound of weight, only lost thus far.

The only real 'productive' thing that I've managed to do since we have been here, is get two of the kids set to start school on Monday morning. The third child that goes to school has special circumstances where we actually have to sit down with staff members and have a meeting before we can start him in school. We have to make sure he is in the appropriate program and that everything is going to be good from the get go.

The other half tore the ligaments in his hand and thumb while playing on the playground with the baby. On our way back from seeing the doctor, we stopped at McDonalds, where he got food poisioning from eating chicken that was either cooked inproperly or unsanitary conditions in the kitchen. BET I called the Health Inspector and ALSO mentioned that they had flies all over their dining area and that they probably have maggots in the back somewhere. Good times.

Ultimately, I am really missing Washington. There is a lot going on back home and people need me. CHILDREN need me and I should be there and I'm not. I feel guilty for that. I also really loathe change. The struggle to change schools, doctors, hospitals....find new grocery stores, restaurants, places to play.....really makes me sick and wears me down. For the most part, I just want to sit on the couch right now and not DO anything. I don't want to unpack a single box more and they are towering everywhere. I don't particularly feel like socializing with anyone aside from my immediate family either.

Don't get me wrong, we are GOOD right now, I'm just not real happy with a lot of things/situations that are ultimately out of my control at this point in time.

For now, I will stop there. I want to get to the stuff that is happening at home, but it really does need it's own blog.

We have arrived in Texas.

The trip here was a little crazy, to say the least.

After the packers left, the movers showed up and slowly, box by box, our stuff disappeared, and has yet to be seen since. Two more days and it should be arriving. The reason it is taking so long is because we are the first load in a 75 foot semi truck. After our driver, Mike, picked up our load, he had to go pick up four other families loads. One in Pasco, WA, another in Spokane, WA and then two more back in Seattle, WA. Then his stops to drop off stuff included two deliveries in Denver, CO, one in Missouri somewhere, with a two day stop to see his family since he hasn't been home since the 11th of March, then another drop off in Oklahoma, before he comes here to Austin, TX. I can't say I blame him for wanting to see his family at all. That's a long time to be away.

The first evening in an empty house was especially boring. The second evening, without internet, was almost unbearable. Saturday morning was 'the big day'. The actual day that we pulled out of Seattle. Given the fact that our apartment complex flat out refused to honor the man's MILITARY ORDERS, I made sure that I took pictures of EVERYTHING in the apartment after it was cleaned out, for evidence purposes. We have since been notified that our keys, that we placed in a brown envelope and dropped into the rent box, marked with our names and our apartment number, have been LOST by management. They are so utterly incompetent that it's not even funny anymore. We should have suspected as much after they lost three months worth of rent checks in a ROW. All of this has happened after a takeover from a new management team. You'd THINK that after the first month they would have figured it out, but apparently NOT. Good thing that after the first lost rent check we were smart enough to start getting receipts. *rolls eyes*

Saturday morning we struggled for about two hours to get the suburban loaded with the remainder of our belongings and the items that the moving company could not pack. We failed, epically. We ended up throwing out most of our cleaning products, along with other things that we had intended on keeping. Fortunately we have since replaced the majority of those items, and THEN some LOL

We got several hours into our trip and decided that we were really just too cramped into the suburban to continue in such a fashion and ended up calling ahead and renting a Uhaul in the Portland, Oregon area. The first Uhaul company that they sent us to was in an industrial area, basically in someones garage. I almost planted my ass in the mud on the way down the hill back to the suburban. We ended up having to go to a second Uhaul office because we had to get a tow ball and the wiring mechanism to be able to tow the trailer with. Not our fault they didn't have it, but then we ended up driving all over hell with the crappy GPS lady taking us along all these weird streets because it was the 'shortest route'.  It was a disaster.

 We drove through Oregon for the rest of the day, stopping in the Medford area to get a hotel room because it was getting late and we were all tired. Unfortunately, the man, unbeknownest to him, had maxed out the number of transactions he's allowed in a month. He had no idea that he was only allowed a maximum number of transactions. And since his checking account was empty and we didn't have a credit card with enough money remaining on the balance, we go rejected from EIGHT hotels before we were able to find a place that would take a CASH payment. We ended up in some back alley Econolodge run by an old Indian guy, and had to sneak the kids in and out because we have too many kids to get just ONE room. At least there were no bed bugs.

The second day of our journey went a little better. We went through the snowy mountain range that lies between Oregon and California and it was actually snowing while we were driving, but the roads remained clear for the most part. I got to see a coyote carrying a kill, and several deer. This time we thought ahead and stopped in a town with an Air Station Naval Base, so that we would have access to the man's bank. We stayed in a Best Western that was really nice and we slept in until 8am the next morning, had a Burger King breakfast and then hit the Navy Fed on our way out of town.

Day three was relatively uneventful. Lots of driving. Basically the same scenery that we had seen on our trip to California last May. We managed to make it from a small town north of the grapevine, all the way into Phoenix, Arizona, where we stayed in yet another skanky hotel. This time it was a TravelLodge and it was gross, but again, no bugs, unless you count the spider that was in the shower the next morning.

Day four took us through the remainder of Arizona, and passed the miles and miles of huge cacti. We also made it completely through the state of New Mexico and into El Paso, Texas before nightfall. We ate at a little restaurant on the boarder of TX and NM that was actually pretty good.

Day five started off with a good sized cock roach on the dresser in the morning. As we drove out of El Paso we could clearly see the giant wall that marks the border between the United States and Mexico. The kids thought that it was really cool that they could see into another country. You could definitely tell the difference between America and Mexico from I-10. The duration of this day was SUPER boring. I cannot explain HOW boring. It's unfathomable. Let's just say the most fun we had in Western Texas was playing the 'windmill game'. People in Western Texas really like their windmills. We met a friend of ours in San Antonio, where we had dinner and stayed in a decent hotel, but there was no internet service. Boo.

Day six started with the baby puking all over his little shoes. I had to take his laces out and wash everything in the hotel sink, and then stuff it all into the trailer. We basically drove for two hours on day six, then stayed the night in a hotel near our new apartment complex.

Day seven we signed our lease, moved all our stuff into the apartment out of the trailer, took the trailer back, and let the kids enjoy the sunshine a little. The only disappointment thus far is the fact that our unit was NOT CLEANED before they gave it to us. There is a certain level of 'ick factor' to go with that. I am pretty sure all they did was vacuum and then the maintenance people came and painted our bedroom door for some reason or another.

The following two days since then have been relatively busy. We purchased an additional crib that the baby is currently sleeping in, but that will be used for the new baby once 'it' comes. We also purchased a washer and dryer set that will be delivered this coming Thursday. We have had several trips to Walmart and the Dollar Store to pick up some necessities. We have redone the guest bathroom since we had to throw out the old rugs, among other things, and have basically just hung out, waiting for the weekend to get over so that we could start making phone calls for services.

Wednesday morning the moving truck will be here to unload our stuff. We are pretty excited.

Wednesday afternoon I have an appointment to meet with an advocate to get my address stuff straightened out. I should have my new address cards by the end of the week, and then we can enroll the kids in school. I'm sure that it will be a week or so from THAT point before they get the kids' records and we can enroll them in school.

Tomorrow I'm supposed to go to the hospital and get a once over and a referral for a local high risk OB/GYN. I'm doing pretty good baby wise. My sugars are looking GREAT. I've got some swelling which is probably due to adjusting to the extreme temperature changes between states. I've also had a few headaches, which just happen when my blood sugar levels get too low.

One of the kids is pretty homesick, but I'm sure he will get over it soon. Once our stuff gets here, and he goes to school, things will be better.

I'm still not really sure how I feel about all of this. I think I'm kind of down about it all. I don't really want to go outside or hang out with the man and his friends that live here. I just don't really feel like doing anything at all right now. Certainly not being nice and friendly with people. Which is unfortunate because the people here are really friendly. I'm not sure if it's bordering on NOSEY yet or not, but I WILL be blogging about them LOL

The packers spent their first full day here today.

They packed up both the kids' rooms, which we were prepared for. They packed both the hall and the linen closet, which we were also prepared for. We were not as prepared to have the dining room done, or the storage closet on the porch, but we managed okay. We absolutely were NOT prepared to have the living room done.

After they left, we realized that some things got picked up that should not have and unfortunately we had a major crisis when they packed up some of the man's medication. Which I quickly diverted when I found the RIGHT box, on the first try and found his pills inside.

But the evening still ended in tears.

Somehow they managed to pack up my favorite and BRAND NEW pair of slippers that I planned on wearing for most of the ride to Texas. I cried. A lot.

The man promised we would go to Walmart and get me a new pair since we won't see mine for at least three weeks, but it's not the same and it's not okay. I need them RIGHT NOW. And they are packed in a damn box somewhere. Obviously the pregnant hormones got the best of me. And I cried pitifully.

And now my feet are cold.

I packed up most of the Master bathroom tonight, the stuff that is left in there needs to stay, unfortunately, and come with us in the truck. We HAVE to have a shower curtain for the three more nights we will be staying here LOL

The Master bedroom is MOSTLY ready to be packed now. I have all my stuff together or in a bag, ready to go into the bathroom in the morning.

The man, on the other hand, hasn't done SHIT as far as packing himself. And it's 10pm. I don't know when he plans on DOING it.

Our bedding is going to stay on the bed for another two nights, then get washed and put back in the bag that we bought it in, and taken to the new place. We will be putting it on our super high air mattress when we get to Texas, since we will be sleeping in the house for almost a week before they come to deliver our stuff. Everything else in the room will basically get packed around us.

I broke down the desktop computer tonight, there was so much dust in the back that I had to stop twice just to take a breather. It's funny, because we have sprayed it out with compressed air religiously like I've been taught to, but it literally just builds up on the floor and the wall behind the desk anyway.

Besides the Master bed and bath, the kitchen and the laundry room are the only two places left to be taken care of.  It's certainly happening a lot faster than we thought it would.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, even though I just babysat movers today and I have a feeling that I won't be getting any sleep until MUCH later since the man hasn't done HIS shit yet. >:-{

Movers are coming....

Tomorrow morning the movers are coming.

They will be here between 8:30 and 9:30.

I am a ball of hormones. And tears.

Not just about strange people touching all my crap and being in my house and up in my shit. But about moving to Texas.

I'm not ready for this.

I'm not ready to leave my family and move half way across the country, 2500 miles.

I am, and I'm not.

I mean, I'm ready to start fresh. I'm ready for a new part of my life, OUR LIVES, to begin. I'm ready for sunshine and outside time.....summer for 9 months out of the year instead of rain. Because you know, for the other three months, instead of snow, it's just too hot to function. Thank god for Central Air. I am ready to leave the yucky past behind. 2500 miles behind, and never hear of it again.

I'm not ready for change. I don't handle change well. I'm not ready to change doctors. I'm not ready for the kids to change schools. I'm not ready to not be able to go to Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties. I'm not ready to not be able to go have lunch with one of my friends that is so awesome she is better than a sister. I'm not ready to not have the prospect of having coffee with a friend. I'm not ready to not be able to call my mom up and say "I have an emergency, I need you to watch the baby/kids".

I am scared. Of newness. Of Change. Of not knowing the cultural, regional laws, rules, expectations.

I am scared of adventure. Of leaving the safety of my home.

Of starting OVER.

Now do this pregnant, medically fragile, with four kids, one of them a baby, and one of them seriously emotionally challenged.

I thought I was going to have my mom with me to help me feel okay about this along the way. I thought that someone who wasn't staying would be able to hold my hand for a little while and ease the emotional strain, or at least, help me control it. But she's not going to be there now. For space issues, for financial issues, for work issues. I get it. It's okay. I'm a big girl.

Now I'm just a sobbing mess and I'm not sure I will not be a sobbing mess off and on for the next two weeks.

At least until it sinks in that I'm okay, that it's all okay. That this move is meant to be, the way it IS meant to be.

For now, I'm just going to lay here and stare at the wall for a little while.....probably until I fall asleep....because I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted from all the 'pack the crap you don't want the movers to pack and put it in the bathroom 'runaround'" that I can't function any more tonight.

Although, I do kinda want to eat again. I'm always so damn hungry. I hate this 'diabetic' crap. I want a foot long roast beef and provolone subway sandwich on wheat, with lettus, tomato, pickles, olives and cucumbers. With oil and vinegar.

And some god damned cheesecake.

Take your medication and SHOVE.IT.

I called my OB/GYN's office this morning and talked to the nurse. My doctor is out today and won't be back until Monday morning. The doctor she talked to wants me to keep taking the medication. He said that I'm JUST starting my second trimester, I'm still going to be having a lot of nausea and vomiting issues, and I'm GOING to be tired and stressed out. She also said OBVIOUSLY nobody can MAKE me take the medication, and if I choose NOT to, to just REALLY stick to the diet, make sure I'm getting my snacks in and watch my sugars really closely.

Let me tell you something MR. DOCTOR WHOEVER YOU ARE. I've had Hyperemisis for three whole pregnancies and was hospitalized at least once for EVERY one of my four previously completed pregnancies. I KNOW what strictly having nausea and vomiting FEELS LIKE. I also know what TIRED is. This is pregnancy number six, I KNOW what tired is. Asshole. I also know what STRESSED is. Asshole. And I'm not STRESSED about packing and moving stuff because I don't have to lift a FINGER. Sure, I'm moderately stressed about moving some place new and having to do a bunch of shit like find new providers on a time schedule, but that comes with part of moving. I moved during my last pregnancy and was fine. ALSO, How do you explain the fact that I ONLY had these symptoms while on the medication, but they suddenly VANISHED as soon as I stopped taking the medication? Mr. Doctor who knows EVERYTHING, when was the last time YOU were pregnant? And have you been pregnant five or six times already? NO. IDIOT.

Anyway, the nurse is going to keep my message for Monday when MY doctor comes back, but I'm pretty sure MY doctor is going to say the same thing. And frankly, I don't give a fucking SHIT what she has to say. I cannot take the medication because I cannot FUNCTION on it. I might as well be in a vegetative state on this medication.

Vegetables cannot drive to Texas. Damn it.

I hate this medication.

I HATE this medication. Like to the extent that I want to go see the doctor and scream profanities in her face right now, but don't have the energy to.

I'm on Glyburide 2.5mg

The first night, I didn't sleep at all. I had to GAG down a peanut butter sandwich, because I have to have the protein before I go to sleep and that was what she recommended. I was up and down ALL night, freaking out that my blood sugar was going to drop too low and I really was going to DIE IN MY SLEEP. When it was time to wake up, not only did I NOT want to get out of bed, but I seriously STRUGGLED to do so. I was a zombie through the rest of the day, and fell asleep some time around 2:30 in the afternoon and slept till almost 7. Thankfully Dan was up by that time and someone was around to take care of the baby.

Night two wasn't quite as bad, but almost. I almost hurled in the middle of trying to force the PB sandwich down, and again at the end, even though I was attempting to wash the nastiness down with milk. Again, I struggled to get out of bed. I felt sluggish and tired and just yucky in general. But there is no other reason for it, except the med. I'd slept from 11 the night before, to 7:30. (8 1/2 hours)

I didn't get dressed until it was almost time to leave and take the baby to get his last couple of shots before we leave for Texas. From there, we ran back to the apartment so I could get some things, and believe me, climbing the stairs was the most energy draining thing I have ever done. I wanted to collapse and sleep by the time I got to the front door and we are talking two half-flights. So it's only ONE flight of stairs in all. We went and saw the ATTORNEY (which is a blog in and of itself later) and came home around 2:30, only for me to fall asleep again until 6. (3 1/2 more hours)

We ran to Winco, because in the middle of my crappiness, I'd forgotten to go to the grocery store for baby food. I got some Almond Butter. Some sunflower seeds, some mixed nuts, and some edemame. And let me tell you, ALL of it tastes like CRAP. I had to gag the shit down for a THIRD night in a row. I would rather DIE than ever see a creamy nut or eat some kind crap that tastes like DIRT again. Nastiness, the lot of it.

After I ate a little dinner, I set my alarm to do my blood sugar test like I always do, and managed to fall back to sleep almost immediately (for another two hours. 8-10pm) Then I got up, was up LESS than an hour and right back to sleep again, until 8am this morning. (9 more hours)

It's the same deal again this morning. The only reason I got dressed was because the babydaddy insisted that he had an appointment today for pre-op surgery and I convinced him he was an IDIOT to do the surgery before we leave for Texas in SEVEN DAYS because the soonest they would probably get him in, would probably be AFTER we leave. I had some Kashi cereal and sat on the couch for a while, slumping over further and further the longer I sat there, until finally I had to pry my dead ass off the couch and staggered to bed again. It's 10am and I am in BED because I have zero energy or life left in me. My fingers aren't working right, my eyes aren't working right, I feel like I'm going to HURL and if I just lay here for five minutes, I'll probably fall asleep.

I DON'T WANT TO SEELP!!!!

I have CRAP to DO! I am supposed to be getting this house ready for the movers and I cannot even FUNCTION RIGHT NOW. And I should mention that I am swelling ever so slightly. We got my ring sized a half a size larger than I would need it because we knew by the end of my pregnancy that I was going to need that half a size for swelling room. I AM ALREADY USING IT. There is an indentation in my finger from the ring!!!

I hate this. I HATE IT. I don't like being sick. I certainly don't like being sick for NO REASON. And even MORESO, I don't like being sick when I can just STOP TAKING THE MEDICATION AND FEEL BETTER. I want to break shit and punch people and I don't even have the energy. I will surely spend the next six months, in bed, crying my god forsaken EYES OUT.

I can't DO anything. I probably should not be driving when I feel like this. I hate feeling helpless. It doesn't suit me well for as independent as I am. And I want to puke. This pregnancy is going to go down in history, not only as my LAST, but as my WORST.

IT BETTER BE A GIRL. That's all I gotta say.

Down the Medication Road

I had an OB appointment today. Today's appointment was supposed to be my last in Washington State before we move to Texas. Unfortunately, things are not going to happen that way because of my being High Risk.

Starting tonight, I have to begin taking a medication that will lower my blood sugar at night time. I was also told that I HAVE to eat a late night snack before I go to bed. If I don't and my blood sugar drops too low due to the medication, I could die in my sleep.

Please. Tell this shit to a pregnant woman who is already hormonal.

I cried.

And I know that this medication isn't the end of things. Most women with pre-existing diabetes prior to pregnancy end up on insulin injections later in their pregnancy.

So it is only a matter of time.

I am devastated, and yet still in denial over even being diabetic at the same time.

Anyway, I am supposed to begin taking this medication tonight, and I am scheduled to see my OB again next Friday before we leave for Texas.

I was given STRICT orders to find an OB before we leave and schedule an appointment. IF I arrive in Texas without an OB, I will have maybe a week before I have to see someone and the best recommendation that she could give me was to go into the ER and have an exam and they would refer me to a High Risk OB that would be able to accept my insurance.

Obviously my nerves are shot. :-(

Also, I've lost a total of 34lbs to date.