The packers spent their first full day here today.

They packed up both the kids' rooms, which we were prepared for. They packed both the hall and the linen closet, which we were also prepared for. We were not as prepared to have the dining room done, or the storage closet on the porch, but we managed okay. We absolutely were NOT prepared to have the living room done.

After they left, we realized that some things got picked up that should not have and unfortunately we had a major crisis when they packed up some of the man's medication. Which I quickly diverted when I found the RIGHT box, on the first try and found his pills inside.

But the evening still ended in tears.

Somehow they managed to pack up my favorite and BRAND NEW pair of slippers that I planned on wearing for most of the ride to Texas. I cried. A lot.

The man promised we would go to Walmart and get me a new pair since we won't see mine for at least three weeks, but it's not the same and it's not okay. I need them RIGHT NOW. And they are packed in a damn box somewhere. Obviously the pregnant hormones got the best of me. And I cried pitifully.

And now my feet are cold.

I packed up most of the Master bathroom tonight, the stuff that is left in there needs to stay, unfortunately, and come with us in the truck. We HAVE to have a shower curtain for the three more nights we will be staying here LOL

The Master bedroom is MOSTLY ready to be packed now. I have all my stuff together or in a bag, ready to go into the bathroom in the morning.

The man, on the other hand, hasn't done SHIT as far as packing himself. And it's 10pm. I don't know when he plans on DOING it.

Our bedding is going to stay on the bed for another two nights, then get washed and put back in the bag that we bought it in, and taken to the new place. We will be putting it on our super high air mattress when we get to Texas, since we will be sleeping in the house for almost a week before they come to deliver our stuff. Everything else in the room will basically get packed around us.

I broke down the desktop computer tonight, there was so much dust in the back that I had to stop twice just to take a breather. It's funny, because we have sprayed it out with compressed air religiously like I've been taught to, but it literally just builds up on the floor and the wall behind the desk anyway.

Besides the Master bed and bath, the kitchen and the laundry room are the only two places left to be taken care of.  It's certainly happening a lot faster than we thought it would.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, even though I just babysat movers today and I have a feeling that I won't be getting any sleep until MUCH later since the man hasn't done HIS shit yet. >:-{

Movers are coming....

Tomorrow morning the movers are coming.

They will be here between 8:30 and 9:30.

I am a ball of hormones. And tears.

Not just about strange people touching all my crap and being in my house and up in my shit. But about moving to Texas.

I'm not ready for this.

I'm not ready to leave my family and move half way across the country, 2500 miles.

I am, and I'm not.

I mean, I'm ready to start fresh. I'm ready for a new part of my life, OUR LIVES, to begin. I'm ready for sunshine and outside time.....summer for 9 months out of the year instead of rain. Because you know, for the other three months, instead of snow, it's just too hot to function. Thank god for Central Air. I am ready to leave the yucky past behind. 2500 miles behind, and never hear of it again.

I'm not ready for change. I don't handle change well. I'm not ready to change doctors. I'm not ready for the kids to change schools. I'm not ready to not be able to go to Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties. I'm not ready to not be able to go have lunch with one of my friends that is so awesome she is better than a sister. I'm not ready to not have the prospect of having coffee with a friend. I'm not ready to not be able to call my mom up and say "I have an emergency, I need you to watch the baby/kids".

I am scared. Of newness. Of Change. Of not knowing the cultural, regional laws, rules, expectations.

I am scared of adventure. Of leaving the safety of my home.

Of starting OVER.

Now do this pregnant, medically fragile, with four kids, one of them a baby, and one of them seriously emotionally challenged.

I thought I was going to have my mom with me to help me feel okay about this along the way. I thought that someone who wasn't staying would be able to hold my hand for a little while and ease the emotional strain, or at least, help me control it. But she's not going to be there now. For space issues, for financial issues, for work issues. I get it. It's okay. I'm a big girl.

Now I'm just a sobbing mess and I'm not sure I will not be a sobbing mess off and on for the next two weeks.

At least until it sinks in that I'm okay, that it's all okay. That this move is meant to be, the way it IS meant to be.

For now, I'm just going to lay here and stare at the wall for a little while.....probably until I fall asleep....because I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted from all the 'pack the crap you don't want the movers to pack and put it in the bathroom 'runaround'" that I can't function any more tonight.

Although, I do kinda want to eat again. I'm always so damn hungry. I hate this 'diabetic' crap. I want a foot long roast beef and provolone subway sandwich on wheat, with lettus, tomato, pickles, olives and cucumbers. With oil and vinegar.

And some god damned cheesecake.

Take your medication and SHOVE.IT.

I called my OB/GYN's office this morning and talked to the nurse. My doctor is out today and won't be back until Monday morning. The doctor she talked to wants me to keep taking the medication. He said that I'm JUST starting my second trimester, I'm still going to be having a lot of nausea and vomiting issues, and I'm GOING to be tired and stressed out. She also said OBVIOUSLY nobody can MAKE me take the medication, and if I choose NOT to, to just REALLY stick to the diet, make sure I'm getting my snacks in and watch my sugars really closely.

Let me tell you something MR. DOCTOR WHOEVER YOU ARE. I've had Hyperemisis for three whole pregnancies and was hospitalized at least once for EVERY one of my four previously completed pregnancies. I KNOW what strictly having nausea and vomiting FEELS LIKE. I also know what TIRED is. This is pregnancy number six, I KNOW what tired is. Asshole. I also know what STRESSED is. Asshole. And I'm not STRESSED about packing and moving stuff because I don't have to lift a FINGER. Sure, I'm moderately stressed about moving some place new and having to do a bunch of shit like find new providers on a time schedule, but that comes with part of moving. I moved during my last pregnancy and was fine. ALSO, How do you explain the fact that I ONLY had these symptoms while on the medication, but they suddenly VANISHED as soon as I stopped taking the medication? Mr. Doctor who knows EVERYTHING, when was the last time YOU were pregnant? And have you been pregnant five or six times already? NO. IDIOT.

Anyway, the nurse is going to keep my message for Monday when MY doctor comes back, but I'm pretty sure MY doctor is going to say the same thing. And frankly, I don't give a fucking SHIT what she has to say. I cannot take the medication because I cannot FUNCTION on it. I might as well be in a vegetative state on this medication.

Vegetables cannot drive to Texas. Damn it.

I hate this medication.

I HATE this medication. Like to the extent that I want to go see the doctor and scream profanities in her face right now, but don't have the energy to.

I'm on Glyburide 2.5mg

The first night, I didn't sleep at all. I had to GAG down a peanut butter sandwich, because I have to have the protein before I go to sleep and that was what she recommended. I was up and down ALL night, freaking out that my blood sugar was going to drop too low and I really was going to DIE IN MY SLEEP. When it was time to wake up, not only did I NOT want to get out of bed, but I seriously STRUGGLED to do so. I was a zombie through the rest of the day, and fell asleep some time around 2:30 in the afternoon and slept till almost 7. Thankfully Dan was up by that time and someone was around to take care of the baby.

Night two wasn't quite as bad, but almost. I almost hurled in the middle of trying to force the PB sandwich down, and again at the end, even though I was attempting to wash the nastiness down with milk. Again, I struggled to get out of bed. I felt sluggish and tired and just yucky in general. But there is no other reason for it, except the med. I'd slept from 11 the night before, to 7:30. (8 1/2 hours)

I didn't get dressed until it was almost time to leave and take the baby to get his last couple of shots before we leave for Texas. From there, we ran back to the apartment so I could get some things, and believe me, climbing the stairs was the most energy draining thing I have ever done. I wanted to collapse and sleep by the time I got to the front door and we are talking two half-flights. So it's only ONE flight of stairs in all. We went and saw the ATTORNEY (which is a blog in and of itself later) and came home around 2:30, only for me to fall asleep again until 6. (3 1/2 more hours)

We ran to Winco, because in the middle of my crappiness, I'd forgotten to go to the grocery store for baby food. I got some Almond Butter. Some sunflower seeds, some mixed nuts, and some edemame. And let me tell you, ALL of it tastes like CRAP. I had to gag the shit down for a THIRD night in a row. I would rather DIE than ever see a creamy nut or eat some kind crap that tastes like DIRT again. Nastiness, the lot of it.

After I ate a little dinner, I set my alarm to do my blood sugar test like I always do, and managed to fall back to sleep almost immediately (for another two hours. 8-10pm) Then I got up, was up LESS than an hour and right back to sleep again, until 8am this morning. (9 more hours)

It's the same deal again this morning. The only reason I got dressed was because the babydaddy insisted that he had an appointment today for pre-op surgery and I convinced him he was an IDIOT to do the surgery before we leave for Texas in SEVEN DAYS because the soonest they would probably get him in, would probably be AFTER we leave. I had some Kashi cereal and sat on the couch for a while, slumping over further and further the longer I sat there, until finally I had to pry my dead ass off the couch and staggered to bed again. It's 10am and I am in BED because I have zero energy or life left in me. My fingers aren't working right, my eyes aren't working right, I feel like I'm going to HURL and if I just lay here for five minutes, I'll probably fall asleep.

I DON'T WANT TO SEELP!!!!

I have CRAP to DO! I am supposed to be getting this house ready for the movers and I cannot even FUNCTION RIGHT NOW. And I should mention that I am swelling ever so slightly. We got my ring sized a half a size larger than I would need it because we knew by the end of my pregnancy that I was going to need that half a size for swelling room. I AM ALREADY USING IT. There is an indentation in my finger from the ring!!!

I hate this. I HATE IT. I don't like being sick. I certainly don't like being sick for NO REASON. And even MORESO, I don't like being sick when I can just STOP TAKING THE MEDICATION AND FEEL BETTER. I want to break shit and punch people and I don't even have the energy. I will surely spend the next six months, in bed, crying my god forsaken EYES OUT.

I can't DO anything. I probably should not be driving when I feel like this. I hate feeling helpless. It doesn't suit me well for as independent as I am. And I want to puke. This pregnancy is going to go down in history, not only as my LAST, but as my WORST.

IT BETTER BE A GIRL. That's all I gotta say.

Down the Medication Road

I had an OB appointment today. Today's appointment was supposed to be my last in Washington State before we move to Texas. Unfortunately, things are not going to happen that way because of my being High Risk.

Starting tonight, I have to begin taking a medication that will lower my blood sugar at night time. I was also told that I HAVE to eat a late night snack before I go to bed. If I don't and my blood sugar drops too low due to the medication, I could die in my sleep.

Please. Tell this shit to a pregnant woman who is already hormonal.

I cried.

And I know that this medication isn't the end of things. Most women with pre-existing diabetes prior to pregnancy end up on insulin injections later in their pregnancy.

So it is only a matter of time.

I am devastated, and yet still in denial over even being diabetic at the same time.

Anyway, I am supposed to begin taking this medication tonight, and I am scheduled to see my OB again next Friday before we leave for Texas.

I was given STRICT orders to find an OB before we leave and schedule an appointment. IF I arrive in Texas without an OB, I will have maybe a week before I have to see someone and the best recommendation that she could give me was to go into the ER and have an exam and they would refer me to a High Risk OB that would be able to accept my insurance.

Obviously my nerves are shot. :-(

Also, I've lost a total of 34lbs to date.

Home Sweet Home from Texas

Welcome to week 12, trimester TWO of my pregnancy :)

YAY!!!

We got back from Austin late last night. Our flights there and back were less than joyful. However we did enjoy five, beautifully sunny, kid-free days. We had quiet dinners, we swam in the pool, and we soaked up the sun.

I really enjoyed the sunshine. It will be a nice change of pace from the 10 months of rain that we get here in Washington State. It was ABOVE 70* every day we were there. squeeeeeeee!

I had the awesome opportunity to meet one of my best girlfriends for the first time while we were in Austin. She lives there, and we are moving very close to where she lives. I've known her for five years, and meeting her for the first time was like hugging my sister for the first time after years of being separated from one another.

We actually got really lucky, after having done some thorough research, and managed to only look at two places before we found the apartment that would work for us. We got a nice four bedroom, two bath apartment with walk-in closets throughout. The older two boys will be sharing, sis will have her own room, and the two babies will share. It will be nice to spread out a little more in the house.

We did have a few obstacles to overcome before getting everything approved for us to move in, but in the end, everything has managed to work out okay, and the apartment is ours.

The movers will be here on the 22nd and 23rd to pack us up. The truck will be loaded on the 24th and then we will make our way to Texas, arriving on or around the 1st of the April. We will be signing our lease then, and hope that at the end of the year's lease we will be on our way into a house of our own.

After spending nearly a week in the greater Austin area, we are happy with our experiences and content with our choice to relocate there.

Today we found out that another friend of ours is also going to be moving from Seattle to Austin with his family, and VERY near where our new apartment is!! It is CRAZY coincidental, but we are super excited about it!! Having good friends around will be awesome :)

Pregnancy wise, not a lot going on aside from the nausea and the incoming heartburn. I'm starting to feel a little more bloated but not bad. My appetite is pretty messed up right now, hungry when I shouldn't be and not hungry at ALL when I should be.

I am concerned about my blood sugar levels as they have been rising some over the last week, but we will find out on Monday how concerned the doctor is about my levels. She might want me to change my testing techniques or the number of tests I take a day so she can get a more accurate reading of my levels.

Hormones with a side of Clingon

I am currently 11 weeks pregnant.

In 7 days, I begin my second trimester.

All I can think about that is "holy cow! where did it go?!" LOL

In four days we leave for Austin to pick out our new temporary home. I am a little excited, probably because I am looking forward to the break from my kids more than anything as I have NEVER been away from them longer than a single overnight and two full days. At the same time, I am 100% NOT ready for this trip. I am going to Wal-Mart tomorrow to stock up on some trial size soaps and such to pack in our luggage, but that is about ALL that I can do to prepare right now.

Anyway, the point of this blog was really for me to vent, because I am irritated right now.

Can I just say, it irritates the everlovingfuck out of me when I have to ASK for attention?!?!

I mean, SERIOUSLY?! I have to ASK for some snuggle and cuddle time. WTF is wrong with this picture??

I have never really been a super bitchy "leave me alone", "don't touch me", "get out of my face" pregnant woman. I have always bottled it up and blogged it out.

I'm also not in the "wahwah" stage of my pregnancy right now, where I cry at the drop of a hat, unless we are in the truck and something on the radio makes me jerk a tear, and then I try and hide it.

I don't ask for anyone to hold my hair when I puke. Nobody runs my bathwater. Nobody massages my swoolen feet and ankles.

There HAS been a midnight run for Claussens Kosher Dill Pickles. And Carb Smart Ice Cream. And a 10pm run for a smoothie, but, in my defense, he was going out anyway.....

I'm just saying, I'm not a real high maintenance pregnant chick at this point, and I really don't think that it's too much to ask for it to be OBVIOUS that I need some extra snuggle and cuddle time. I want everyone ELSE to leave me alone, but I want him to let me be a little clingy.

Yes, I am hormonal, but it's not blatantly obvious or outrageous yet. I got six more months, I'll catch up some!

GAH! I just feel like SOMEONE needs a reminder once in a while that MAYBE their partner needs some PHYSICAL contact with them once in a while that is totally not sexually related.

Honestly, I feel like an asshole when I have to actually say "hey, when the kids all go to bed, do you think maybe you could forget about the damn video games for an evening and just come in here and snuggle with me for a little while, maybe let me fall asleep in your arms or something?"

I mean, I shouldn't have to spell it out. I'm sorry I'm so damn CLINGY right now. That's just how I get.

I'm pretty sure most guys would take horny and clingy out of their pregnant partner over bitchy and sobbing any day though.