Kidney Stones and My New OB 27w6d

The last several days have been exciting, to say the very least.

From day one, I knew that my new OB's office in TX was NOT going to be a good fit for me. That point was taken to heart and well proven over the last few days. Several other choices I have made as a patient were also supported.

All day Wednesday I was feeling 'off' so to speak. I couldn't quite put my finger on it, but I knew that something wasn't right.

Wednesday evening the man went to softball practice. I didn't go, because I just wasn't feeling that good. Even though the temperatures outside had dropped about 10 degrees, I just couldn't bring myself to go anywhere. I opted to stay home with the kids. I'd taken a lengthy nap that afternoon and he actually had to wake me up before he left. About 15 minutes after he left, I got up to use the bathroom and was peeing straight blood. I knew then that I was having a kidney stone issue or a severe kidney infection. I wasn't in pain, but I knew it was serious. I tried to call him on his cell phone, but he didn't answer. I called out to my OB's office then. It was 7:30, and already after business hours. The on call OB, Dr Phelps called me back and he advised me to go to labor and delivery.

I spent the next hour and a half, calling the man, attempting to get him on the phone to come home and take me to the hospital. Bare in mind, I'm not in pain at this point, but in serious panic. I go ahead and send the kids to bed, knowing that I'm going to have to drive myself to the hospital, 40 minutes away, once he gets home. I drink 24 ounces of water, hoping it will help with the cramping that has started now.

Shortly after 9pm, he calls me and asks me what is going on. He had 27 missed calls from me. His phone was on the charger in the truck. He came home and then he told me to call him and let him know what was going on as I was leaving. I said "whatever" and left. Yes, I was pissed. I'm pregnant. Your phone should be on you. What if my water broke in the two hours you were gone and I delivered the baby and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance. WHAT THEN? IDIOT.

I reach the hospital around 10pm. They call labor and delivery and I wait for someone to come and get me. I get a gown on, I leave a urine sample. The nurse asks me if I'm having any pains. I tell her that I'm having mild contractions, but I'm okay at this point minus a cramping feeling in my right side. I inform her that I've had kidney stones twice before, that I'm 99% positive that THAT is what this is and that I need some pyridium and probably an antibiotic at this point. They hook me up to the monitor to watch baby. I have a couple of contractions and then everything stops. Baby looks fine. I go through the registration process which takes nearly two hours. The nurse checks my urine and says I have trace protein, and that I've maxed out the blood on her dipstick. It stops at 250. She apparently speaks to the doctor, and comes back and says they are discharging me.

The guy did NOTHING for me. No IV fluids to help flush the stone out. No ultrasound to confirm the presence of a stone. No meds to soothe my urinary tract to help with the pain. No NOTHING. I was told to call my provider in the morning so that she could give me an ultrasound to check on the stone.

What the fuck ever. I leave to go home, and arrive there around 1am.

By 2am I am thriving in pain. Literally screaming in agony it is so bad. The man wanted to take me back to the hospital and I refused to go again. He was FURIOUS at the doctor for doing NOTHING. The doctor didn't even come and SEE me, even though he was at the hospital.

Around 4am, after 3-25mg benadryl's I finally fall asleep. I get up at 7:30 with a continuing dull ache in my right side.

I call the OB's office and tell them that I was at Labor and Delivery the night before and that I have to be seen. That I have a kidney stone, that I need meds and an ultrasound.

She gives me a 10:10 appointment. I wake everyone in the house up, so that we can go. The man refuses to get up. I have sat with him for HOURS ON END, TIME AND TIME AGAIN at doctor's appointments and hospitals, and his back hurts so he doesn't want to go. I was LIVID. I took the my oldest son with me, because he had an appointment with the orthodontist at 1:30 in Austin and I didn't know if I would make it back in time to pick him up.

I arrive at the clinic and then we wait in the waiting room for at least 30 minutes, then back in the office another 40 minutes or so before my OB finally comes in. She doesn't understand why the on-call OB didn't at least give me fluids. She gives me pyridium to help with the pain in the urinary tract and tells me that there is really nothing they can do but wait for the stone to pass. I get it, I'm pregnant. At least she gave me the perscription for the pyridium. She SHOULD have done an ultrasound, but didn't. She sent my urine off to the lab to see if I needed antibiotics, and sent me on my way.

The rest of the day, I spend in and out of random bathrooms because any urine in my bladder AT ALL is irritating. I get my son to the orthodontist. I get back into town and stop at Walmart to pick up my perscription. I stop at the dental office to see about them pulling one of my son's teeth that needs to be pulled before the braces can go on. They want to see him at 9am the next morning. Then we go home. Through all of this, I'm still angry at the man for not being with me when I needed him to be. I get home, I'm still hruting, but whatever, life goes on.

About 8pm, I'm DYING. Puking because the pain is so intense. I was ready to cut my bladder out with a steak knife. I felt like I was stabbed in the back on my right side. I was having hard contractions and screaming and crying again. I got up, got dressed and literally could not even stand upright I was in so much pain. I screamed and cried all the way down three flights of stairs. I don't waste time calling the piece of shit OB this time. The man takes me straight to the local hospital, which is eight minutes away comes back home with the kids after the ER staff gets me in the back and he's sure they are going to take care of me. I scream and cry for another hour before they finish with the ultrasound on my entire urinary tract and the baby. They were digging the damn probe into my kidney and making me hurt even worse. They admit me shortly midnight and give me a huge dose of morphine.

Within 10 minutes of being upstairs in labor and delivery, the on-call OB for the hospital is in my room. We go through my history, my high risk status, my previous pregnancy. There is a stone, right above my bladder, on my right side. It is still in the tube and that is why it's hurting so bad. It's having a hard time getting into my bladder. She is completely shocked that they did NOTHING for me at the visit the night before, because the other hospital is supposed to be a really good one. She's sorry I'm in pain, but she's glad I came back, and to a different hospital.

The severe pain fades overnight. She sends me home around lunch time with shit ton of narcotics. Enough to kill an elephant. I'm supposed to watch for the stone, and come in if the pain gets worse, of if I start to develope an infection. Burning urination etc. So far, I'm clean for an infection, which is great news. Baby still looks good. No contractions since the pain meds and pyridium are taking care of the irritation being caused to baby and my uterus.

Dr. Holley, the on-call OB who saw me, is now MY OB. I called yesterday afternoon when we got home and canceled my oppointment with the other OB clinic and let them know that I would NOT be returning. That they were completely incompetent. That Dr Phelp's bedside manner was SHIT and that I could have DIED because of his stupid mistakes and failure to give me an ultrasound to investigate where my stone was at. Had I had a full out blockage, I could have gotten sepsis and DIED! All the while they said there was 'nothing we can do'. I was severely dehydrated and that is what was causing the contractions. I could have lost my baby because of THEM. That I would NEVER recommend their practice to ANYONE I knew.

I'm still in a fair amount of pain. Still waiting for the stone to pass. Today pretty much went with me getting up around 8am, yelling at one of the kids for some reason I couldn't remember later, taking another round of pain meds, sitting at the computer for 30 minutes before the med kicked in, then crawling back in bed and sleeping until 2pm. I haven't taken more meds yet, and the pain is ever present, but I would really like to get some sleep tonight, at a normal time.

Overall, I'm really happy that I have a new OB. She is fantastic. She met all the kids and the man. They all liked her too. No more driving 40 minutes away to see a public health style doctor who doesn't really give a shit about their patients. No more wasted gas. No more wasted time. And our new hospital is better than the other one. The nurses are just as nice and everyone will be a lot happier in the end.

I also get to continue seeing my perinatologist, because Dr Holley refers ALL of her high risk patients to him. He is THAT GOOD. :)

27 weeks 1 day

Great news, the increase on my blood pressure medicine must be working. I'm only really having a headache first thing when I wake up in the morning. Also, no more face or lip swelling since the increase! WOOHOO! I can't check my BP, because insurance won't cover a cuff and I can't buy a new one yet, but I took my BP in the grocery store today and it was 119/78, which is GREAT!!

I completed my 24 hour urine collection and the rest of my blood tests this morning, but I'm pretty sure my urine will be clean, because I bought some keytone strips and have been testing my urine at home LOL

I need to call and talk to the nurse about upping my insulin at night time again, from 12 to 14 units. My fasting levels are starting to creep up again, and have been for four days running. I see that there is an every three weeks pattern going on LOL

Saturday I get to go and spend the entire day at my OB's office doing some seven hour long prenatal workshop so I can earn a voucher for a free carseat. I'm not super excited about this. I've given birth four times already. Things haven't changed since the last time other than the fact that I'm high risk and get more attention this time. Whatever. Beggers can't be choosers. I'm not getting a shower and I'm pretty sure baby won't get any gifts either, so at least we will get something we are going to NEED purchased, or at least at a discounted rate.

I made about two hours worth of phone calls today. Apparently here in the great state of Texas, everything really is bigger, including foreskin....because insurance here covers circumcisons. The last baby was covered under his daddy on Tricare, which surprised me. My oldest two boys had to be paid for in cash. Good times.

Other than that, things are going okay.

I am entering panic mode about my delivery. I'm alone here in TX, with no one, other than my partner for support. That kind of puts us in a sticky situation as far as my delivery goes. Either we find some stranger to watch our four kids for 12-18 hours while I labor and give birth, or I do this all alone. I'm trying not to get hysterical over the prospect of giving birth alone. Or having a c-section alone. I'm trying not to think about the fact that I could go in to have an emergency c-section and DIE and not have the man I love, or ANYONE who loves me by my side. I'm trying to ignore the fact that shit like that happens to me. The stuff nobody thinks could ever happen, happens to me LOL. I don't want to have my baby alone. I don't want to share those moments with a strange nurse and a doctor that probably isn't even going to be my own because they are a revolving practice that rotates who is 'on call'. Mentally, it's a huge challenge for me right now to keep my head on straight. I wish I had close friends or family here. I wish I was home in Washington. I wish I was having a home birth and none of the hospital crap even mattered. I wish there was someone that could put their life on hold for a day and either be there with me, or take care of my kids....and there is just not. Anyone. I think that is the toughest pill that I have had to swallow yet. Far tougher than making the leap to move across the country, out of my home state, for the first time EVER.

26 weeks 3 days

I had my appointment with the perinatologist today.

They did an ultrasound to check baby's movement and his breathing. Baby is taking some regular practice breaths, which they can see with the rise and fall of the diaphram.

Baby looks good. Placenta looks good. Cord looks good.

I have to stop by the lab tomorrow after my OB appointment (I was exhausted today and it was too hot to stop again!) They are going to run some labs on me (CBC and Metabolic panel). We are also going to do another 24 hour urine collection to check for protein and creatinine.

He's upping my BP med to twice a day. That should help with the headaches. If I'm not feeling better in a week and the headaches and swelling are still going on, then I need to call and they will either up me again or we will try a new med.

He also wrote me out a prescription for a blood pressure cuff/machine since my old one is now fubar'ed. If my insurance happens to not cover it, they have a program where they can send a nurse out once a take to take my BP and do a urine collection daily so that I don't have to come in every day or be in the hospital.

I'm to continue to try my best to stay off my feet as much as possible, but I'm NOT on specific bed rest at this time. And NO HOSPITAL. YAY!!!!

He's not worried about the face swelling (weird) or the three week long headache (because it goes away when my BP is down).

We are going to watch me super close now, not that we weren't already though.

I will have another big ultrasound in two weeks to check out baby's size to see if he's growing more or not. Since there are some concerns about his size and possible IUGR (interuterine growth restriction). If his growth percentile starts to decrease, we could have a problem, but he looks good right now, even though he's tiny.

As far as my diabetes, my blood sugar looks FANTASTIC.

I did mention to him that I'm really not feeling good, and when I don't feel good, I tend to eat whatever I want to, even if I'm not supposed to. In a "Get the fuck away from me, I'm eating the damn brownies and I don't care what you have to say about it" kind of way. I only have SO MUCH self control and the more stressed or anxious I am right now, the less able I am to handle controlling what I put in my mouth. He didn't give me the green light to eat whatever I want, but he said my numbers look good and he's not worried if I have to eat some brownies LOL

As far as my weight gain goes, I'm up four pounds since my last visit two weeks ago. I had that massive weight loss, so I'm still down 37lbs, but I've gained 6lbs from my all time low. Which is really good. At least I'm not losing MORE. It's the brownies I tell you!!!! Six pounds of brownies, straight to my thighs and ass!!! LOL

Tomorrow's checkup with the Parinatologist.

Tomorrow is my 26 week checkup with the Perinatologist.

I have to say, I'm not super duper excited about this.

My blood presure has continued to rise back up to my normal levels since I initially started taking my BP medication (procardia) two weeks ago.

The pain in my head has increased to the extent that it continues for all but about two hours in the morning after I take my medication and basically throbs to the extent that this evening I can hear my heart beating within my head. There is no sleeping it off as I have often done with the headaches I got prior to pregnancy, it just continues on it's merry way without thinking twice about ME.

The swelling in my lip area is now starting to extend to the area round my mouth each morning and it is a nightmare to look in the mirror every morning not knowing what I might find 'this time'.

I have tried my damndest to stay in bed on my left side, or on the sofa with my feet as far up as I can get them. I have avoided leaving the house at nearly all costs, with few exceptions, particularly for financial reasons with the intent to secure my family prior to the impending doom of hospital bedrest that I know is on the horizon.

The man and I have had several very frank conversations and tend to agree that the best route, at this point, would probably be hospital bedrest, and while we are certainly not happy about it, we know that it's the right thing to do for baby and I. So if, or when, it needs to be done, it's something we wouldn't resist. Even if it's tomorrow. He is worried now. You can see it in his face. It breaks my heart and makes me cry to know how he is feeling. That there is NOTHING that he can do to fix it, or me, or make sure this baby is okay.

I have managed to get a few newborn and preemie items to start us off once baby finally comes home. We got the diaper bag, and the carseat.....the rest we will manage while baby is still in the NICU.



Mentally, I'm starting to crack. I know that baby will be okay, I'm just not sure that *I* will be okay. I'm scared. Genuinely. And I'm pretty much having an internal panic attack about it. And I feel pretty alone in all of this right now. I know there are a few people who are supportive from a distance, but physically, it is lonely here dealing with all of this.

We have been open and honest with the kids about the posibility of me being hospitalized and the fact that I am really sick. I'm not sure that they understand completely, but they do know that momma always does what is right and for the right reasons and that we will all manage to somehow get through this.

Today, the cuff on my blood pressure monitor burst on my arm. We went to Walgreens, unfortunately they do not sell replacement cuffs. We had a lengthy conversation with the pharmacist about my condition and she tended to agree, that were she my doctor, she'd admit me at this point.

Having someone agree, scares me. Knowing that my body is going to kill this baby, or it will kill me, is eating me up inside. I feel like my body is a failure. I feel like I have failed as a woman, to protect and carry this child. I felt quite similarly when I miscarried. And knowing that this is the LAST child, because my body can't do it anymore....while I'm not READY to be done, also eats me up inside. My body has taken the choices away from me. I want to kick, and scream, have a tantrum and cry. It's a lot to accept in one swallow.

Did I mention how bad my head hurts? And that pain won't go away until my blood pressure comes down, and even then, the reprieve will only last a few hours.

I desperately need to make it to the 32 week mark. 27 weeks is in sight.

After my ultrasound tomorrow, if baby hasn't grown, or something else happens, they might just take him out. Then we will shift on to new worries, I'm sure. We just don't know what is going to happen right now. Not knowing is the worst. Mommies shouldn't have to deal with this stuff. Ever. Their bodies should just do the right thing. And I have accepted enough of the UNKNOWN this year. In this lifetime. I'm not sure that I can cope with MORE right now.

26 weeks

Today marks 26 weeks for me, and I can assure you, I am mostly dreading my visit Wednesday morning with the perinatologist.

I'm pretty certain that based on my BP's this last week that the medication is failing to control my BP adaquitely enough. It makes me wonder exactly how high my BP would be WITHOUT the medication though.

I've awoken every single morning in the last week with swelling in my lips, along with a little numbness and tingling. Some days are substantially worse than others. Strangely enough, it seems to go away within a few hours of awakening. My entire face is not swelling, but my lips most certainly are.



The swelling in my hands is very minimal. Noticeable to me, but not outlandish. And the swelling in my ankles...or cankles as the man has referred to them now, is worst in the afternoon, even if I haven't been out in the heat or up and about.

I've also noted the onset of that throbbing headache that begins some time in the afternoon, doesn't go away with tylenol and continues until about an hour or so after I've taken my BP med again in the morning.

I've had some spotty disturbances with my vision in the afternoon to late evening but it is still going away within a few minutes. It's not hanging around, so that makes me feel better.

I know that it is definately time for another 24 hour urine collection. And probably for an increase in my BP meds. Beyond that, I'm not sure what is going to happen.

I certainly hate my body right now. It's doing everything that it can to reject this baby. And that's just not cool with me.

One thing rest very certainly in my heart right now though. That is the fact that I know, in the end, he will be JUST fine, no matter what happens to end this pregnancy. I know this, because every pregnancy I have carried a child, someone in the family has died, and my baby ends up fine. Just last night, that happened.

There is no sadness, no grief, no feeling of loss. The family drama was far too deep for that. I have learned one lesson, and that is that I will not do the same. I will stand by MY family, my children, my grandchildren, my great grandchildren and protect them when it is necessary for me to do so. Blood will always be thicker than water for me.

Were I able to travel the 2500 miles back to Washington right now, I would not. I do wish I was a fly on the wall right now though, to watch the fight that happens over her possessions. Her daughters at least, are petty, greedy and despicable. They have plotted for years about who would get what. Maybe I'm just in the mood for a little hair pulling, face slapping, nail scratching, bitch fight. LOL I'm glad my father will at least do the honorable thing, hold his head high and walk away.

25 weeks

Emotionally, I have somehow managed, thus far, to hold it all together. Maybe that is my way of inadvertently trying to reassure my partner that everything will be okay, when everything is going horribly wrong right now. He actually has no clue as to how serious things are. He knows what is going on, but he just doesn't grasp the depth. I'd rather keep him oblivious, for all of our sakes. LOL

I am, and have always been, a woman of strength. I vent a lot of things about the struggles that I am having after the strain of carrying it all has taken me over the limit. I vent it off, and somehow, beyond what I even knew I was capable of dealing with, I manage to carry on. I manage to keep calm during the daily challenges by setting everything aside. I set aside the emotions and basically do a mental 'check out' with whatever I had to set aside. THAT is how I have managed to survive.

As the days go by though, the gravity of the situation right now is really starting to clamp down harder on me.

I spoke with my mother on the phone last night. She has laryngitis. She's not in pain at all, but her voice sounds horrible. When I started talking to her about the baby and my condition right now, and she responded....her voice cracked and it almost sounded like she was speaking through tears and was in pain....not by the fact that her voice is messed up due to illness, but out of genuine worry, concern, and pain for me. In that moment, I couldn't hold back the tears that silently streamed down my cheeks.

In these moments, I'm glad that there is no one here, face to face, to speak with me about such things. I would not be able to keep myself together. I would much rather shed my tears alone, than further bear my soul for an audience. I would not want anyone to be burdened by such a situation either, so I'm kind of glad that there is no one close at hand.

I awoke this morning with a some swelling in my face. My lower lip in particular, was noticeably swollen when I glanced at my reflection in the mirror. While my blood pressure has been fine today, and only the most moderate of swelling is visible on my hands and feet...I still worry.

I spent most of my day in bed, which was strange, given the fact that I didn't even get out of bed until 10:30 this morning. I napped for about four hours, assisted with dinner, and have been lying on the couch ever since, watching movies. I drank as much water as I could, which was apparent enough by the 50 visits to the bathroom I made today. I'm certain that I over-exerted myself yesterday, but it was necessary that we spend three hours in Austin tying up some loose ends.

Two hours from now marks week 25 and baby's survival rate increases to 50%. That fact provides me with a small bit of comfort...but doesn't soothe the soul quite completely enough.

Beyond that, beyond baby, I am still struggling to accept the fact that this is the end. That the choice to have more children has been made for me. By my own body. It's kind of the enemy right now! LOL

In the coming weeks, I plan on venturing out to pick up a few preemie outfits and a few baby supplies that need to be replenished. Diaper cream, baby shampoo, some more lotion, cotton balls, vaseline...you know the things I mean....

The bassinette will be pulled out, the sheets washed, receiving blankets washed, burp rags located, washed and folded....I have to be prepared, because there will not be time later. Nesting will start early....even if he doesn't come home right away. He will come home. He will.

24 weeks 4 days

24 weeks. Viability. We have achieved viability. It's a milestone that every expectant mother anticipates meeting. Some never achieve it, and many are born shortly after. Every day counts.

That is kind of where we are right now. Every single day matters.

This week my perinatologist increased my insulin dosage to 12 units of insulin per night. It has worked wonderfully, and I'm now within the acceptable range that they want me to be with my fasting numbers.

I was also put on a second medication for my blood pressure and taken off of the first medication due to an allergic reaction. The biggest side effect of this medication is the dizziness that it causes. I woke up this morning at 3AM to the WORST case of the spins that I have EVER experienced. Put yourself on the spaceship ride that is at the fair, called The Gravitron and ride it for several hours. I literally did not have the ability to roll over in bed and make it to the bathroom by myself it was so bad. Thankfully the intensity of the spins have worn off some and things are more or less just swaying back and forth now rather than full on spinning. Although, it did NOT help the nausea that I experienced this morning. I'm supposed to give it through the weekend, and if it doesn't go away, they are going to try me on a third medication.

I had an 'anatomy scan' today. Basically it's like a regular ultrasound, only a little more in-depth. The doctor wanted to look at each of baby's fingers and toes and do complete measurements again.

The BEST news we have, is that the baby's heart is still looking great.

The baby is still very tiny though. He is still measuring about two weeks behind. His weight is 1lb 5oz, which puts him in the 25th percentile. The largest we can hope for him to get is approximately 7 1/2 lbs, but probably closer to 6 1/2. This is a little unsettling for me, and I was worried that there was something that I had done, but the doctor just reassured me that he was still within normal range, even though he was tiny, and that nothing I have done, or haven't done, could have caused him to be so tiny. I have ALWAYS had big babies. My smallest baby was 8lbs 6ozs. Everyone else was bigger than that. It feels WRONG for him to be tiny.

We want to keep baby in the 25th percentile. If, during my next scan, he is at all below the 25th, we will worry about growth restriction and other things that could possibly be going on.

My target right now is 34 weeks. That is the point we would like to achieve at the least. Ideally, I will make it to 36 or 38 weeks.

The situation with my blood pressure right now is much more concerning than my diabetes. I was told, straight up, that I have about a 1 in 3 chance of developing pre-eclampsia due to my pre-existing conditions. Right now, my blood pressure can be stabilized with medication. The headaches are moderate, my swelling is minimal, and my 24 hour urine collection was 159 for protein and that doesn't get concerning until we are nearing the 300 level, which is grounds for an immediate c-section, no matter where you are in your pregnancy.

I'm currently seeing my perinatologist every two weeks, and my ob/gyn once a month. The further along I get, or however worse my condition becomes, I will be seeing doctors more and more regularly. Within the next month, I will be seeing someone once a week. Nearing the end of my pregnancy, I will be seeing someone probably 3 times a week.

Mentally, I am still pretty content with knowing all of this information. Knowing the statistics. Knowing the risk factors. Knowing the consequences of premature birth. It makes me sad knowing there is not much that I can do, but at the same time, I'm still really grateful that we have the best doctor that we could possibly have right now. And he's not afraid to answer the VERY tough questions that I sometimes present to him. I can be a difficult person to deal with, and it's hard to be put on the spot sometimes, especially when you are dealing with an emotional pregnant woman to boot and don't really know what to expect from her LOL