34 weeks 2 days

Yesterday was a really hard day for me to deal with emotionally. I don't usually go to my prenatal visits alone, but I didn't really have a choice about it yesterday. It was just a followup visit from Friday, so that we could check on baby again and go over my BP and make sure we were good to go until this next Friday. I really didn't see it as that big a deal, so I was okay with it.

My blood sugars have been wonky. They are supposed to increase the further along you get in pregnancy. The peri and I discussed a fast acting insulin for my meals, but he wants to see my numbers again on Friday to make a decision on them.

My blood pressure is still on the higher side, but it's not as concerning as it was on Friday. It was 141/91, which he was happy enough with to let it slide until my next visit. It's not super out of control and there's still no/little protein in my urine, so things are okay.

The real devastation, was learning that our little one, who has been in the head down position for the last five weeks, has rotated to a full on footling breech at 34 weeks.

Amnio fluid levels still look good. On the higher side of the normal range, but good none the less. His growth is concerning to me, but given the fact that I was so very upset about his being breech, I didn't stick around to ask a lot of questions regarding his lack of weight gain. He measured 4lbs 3oz, which puts him under the 10th percentile now.

After a lengthy discussion with baby's daddy, we've decided NOT to do anything.

I am struggling to "accept the things you cannot change".

We feel very passionately that babies know, by nature, how to come out on their own, and if they don't, there is a reason for it. Given his growth issues, and now this, something deep inside of me, tells me that there is a reason for his being breech now. That something is WRONG and he's in the position he is in because a c-section is going to be in his best interest. He has a couple more weeks in which to turn himself, but we have decided against turning him manually.

I can successfully rotate him myself, and I have the option of doing an external version (ECV) at 37 weeks in the peri's office. But for us, the risks related to those things are too high.

ECV's only have about a 50% success rate. Being done in the Peri's office means that I'm not going to be medicated against any type of pain from the procedure, and they can be VERY painful. There is a chance that something can go wrong during the procedure, and I would have to be rushed to have an emergency c-section anyway. ECV's, if successful, should be followed immidiately by an induction. If they aren't, there is a risk that a stubborn baby will turn themselves back into the breech position.

I could easily attempt to rotate him on my own, with the spinning babies techniques, and most likely I would be successful. However, this nagging feeling that something is WRONG tells me, us, not to. If something truely IS wrong, it's most likely a cord wrapping issue. If I do it myself at home and he flips because I made him, he could die. That would kill me. I'm a very strong woman. I'm not shy to admit that. But I'm pretty sure, this late in the pregnancy, that if something like that happened, I would probably check out mentally and not come back from it. I'm at max capacity right now mentally and that would literally send me over the deep end. Rotating him isn't worth the risk to him OR myself.

If it is a cord issue, even if I was to get him rotated, or rotated through an ECV, he wouldn't be deliverable vaginally anyway, and I would still end up with a C-section.

So really, our only option right now is to wait for him to rotate on his own, knowing that he probably won't and that I will be having a c-section.

I know that women have c-sections every day. I have prepared myself for EMERGENCIES while in labor. I know things go wrong with vaginal births and inductions all the time. I'm okay with that.

I was NOT prepared, at 34 weeks, to go into things thinking that I could have a c-section because my baby was breech. He was in the position he was supposed to be in until I delivered.

There is still time for him to turn. There is still room for him to turn. The question is, is he going to or not?

Only time will tell.

I wonder if I can get a complimentary tummy tuck while they are cutting around down there? "Hey doc, while you've got that scalpel in your hand, could you maybe take 10 inches off my abdomen so I don't have that fat roll anymore?! mKaythanks <3" oh, and "Hey, I know it's not okay with the catholics for you to do my tubal ligation in their hospital, but do you think you could do it on the down low while you're in there??" LOL