18 weeks already...

I have reached the 18 week mark now.

I also had another OB visit today with the new OB office.

Some things happened to change my perspective today and I am hopeful that things will be BETTER from this point forward.

Apparently nobody did their job informing me of the way that business is conducted in the office, and that was a FAIL on their part.

The nurse called me back to check my blood pressure and weight (For the record, I am currently stabilized at 316lbs, which is 38lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight.) and mentioned to me that I was there for a GYNO visit. I was like, 'uh, NO, I'm not. I'm 18 weeks pregnant, I have an OB visit. Nobody is gettin' up in my business today LOL' She sent me back out to the waiting room where I sat for another 10 minutes or so

The head RN came out and got me and took me into an actual office to find out what was going on. I let her know that I was NOT there for a GYNO exam, and would not be having one because I've already had the one necessary for my pregnancy. That I was not intending on staying with their practice because of the negative experience that I'd had during my first visit. She asked for more details, and I told her that I, and the father of my child, felt that this clinic lacked the experience and knowledge to properly care for a high risk patient. That we had certain expectations for my care, that included more frequent visits, close monitoring and managing my diabetes during my pregnancy. That during my first visit, the doctor had not gone over my sugars, or even asked about them, nor had she dopplered the baby until I ASKED her to. I felt that the clinic was incompetent of caring for us and we deserved better than sub-standard care.

She informed me of a LOT of things. Including the fact that the majority of their patients are high risk. That the clinic DOES KNOW how to manage me and my issues. She apologized that I was not informed prior to my first visit that the protocol for the clinic is that the first visit to the clinic is STRICTLY a pregnancy verification visit. The second visit is a GYNO appointment where they also do pregnancy related blood work. Visit number three is strictly genetic, Q&A related. From that point on, you have 'regular OB visits'. She also said that rather than seeing high risk patients every two weeks, high risk patients are seen on the regular OB schedule and alternate on the two week mark with a Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialist (ie a perinatologist. The MFMS is the one that gives you your ultrasound, and your NST's. She said that she hoped that, given all the information I NOW had, that I would reconsider changing doctors after that point. That she actually is also a patient at the clinic and the doctors are all really great. And that at ANY point in my pregnancy, if the physicians felt that my situation was beyond the scope of their experience, they WOULD refer me to someone else who would be able to care for me.

In the end, I was really relieved that my first impressions were wrong. I'd rather NOT change clinics again, even if I have to change doctors.

I got lots of paperwork today. A local resource list, a list of other services provided through Texas A&M, and among other things, a signing sheet that I have to have signed for every visit....if I don't skip any appointments, after 12 appointments, I will get a coupon for a free car seat. Which is awesome, because it means that I can pick out a GIRL car seat if we are having a girl :)

Baby's heart rate looked great. It was in the 150s.

She DID ask about my blood sugars and said that they ONLY way to bring down my fasting levels would be with medication. She said since my 2-hour levels were looking great that showed that I was really sticking to the diet. I told her it was all really about portion control and manipulation. That I was still eating cheesecake. She laughed and said that now she wanted to go to the cheesecake factory for dinner.

She put in my referral for the Austin Maternal Fetal Medicine. She said they would be doing my ultrasound (hopefully next week) and would be seeing me every two weeks, alternating from when she saw me. They would also be the ones that would go over my sugars and give me medication if I needed it.

I had to call and find out where my records were. Apparently my doctor's office mailed them out LAST Friday, but they still haven't arrived yet. Which tells me it's taking more than a week for mail to get from there to here.

Overall, I'm feeling better about the doctor situation. And it does help to know that I only owe $14 for my last visit. Which my medical insurance will pick up once it FINALLY goes through, which may still be a bit longer since they are asking for MORE information now and I have to go into the office again to drop it off. Monday morning. Hopefully that will square away everything and that will be the end of it.

Drama of the Sister variety.

More than a month ago I mentioned that a new breed of drama may be encroaching on my family bubble.

Let me explain.

Of all my siblings, I am the only one who has honestly ever been worth a shit. In their ONLY defense, they chose 'other' options in their lives. One choice in particular, that has lead to their ultimately unfortunate lives was their choice, as teenagers, to remain in the toxic environment that their father and his family created for them. They had the choice to be in a structured environment, the same one that I was raised in. A place with rules, regulations, chores, curfews and expectations....and they chose against that. They chose freedom. The freedom to do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted, with whoever they wanted. In turn, they have both turned into the drug addicted, criminal types. One has been in and out of jail and prison, and the other in and out of rehab at various times over their 30 plus years of life.

I, on the other hand, while not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, have become a strong, independent, self-sufficient woman who has taken the completely opposite path that they have chosen.

At this current place in time, my step-sister has recently relapsed into her crack cocaine addition in the last four months and has basically brought the entire world that circulates within her range, down with her. Including her fiance and her children. She is set to lose her fiance, is facing an eviction from her home and will probably lose her children TOMORROW MORNING at the emergency meeting if she does not ACT NOW and get her shit together.

Two of these children have been through this before. They WILL NEVER return to her care if the state steps in to remove them. This also means that our family will probably never see these kids again. They are already disadvantaged because of their absent fathers and their mother's off and on relapse pattern. My heart aches to imagine the extremely hard road they would face were they placed into the foster care system, separated from each other, and bounced around from house to house and school to school for the next 5 to 16 years.

My parents cannot take them in again, for various reasons that are completely understandable. Nobody wants to further support her behavior, or be enabling of her. Absolutely people are done cleaning up her messes for her and helping her get her shit together.

That leaves me.

Unfortunately for the kids, my family just moved half a country away and I am not in a position to do very much.

After a lengthy discussion with my other half, I had the opportunity to speak with my step-sister on the telephone yesterday. I informed her that the ONLY option she had left to her was to go and pick up her children from our brother where they currently are, get in her truck, and drive her ass to Texas, to ME.

She didn't even know that I was pregnant. Or that we had already left for Texas yet.  I made her cry a lot, and hope that the words that I left with her were sincerely receieved. She is going to have a few obstacles in her trek to get here if she does decide to actually come, and either my partner or I might have to actually fly back to Washington and drive her here ourselves due to a licensing issue. Her ability to gather the funds it would cost for gas to get here is going to be a small hurdle.....but it is possible.

I feel helpless right now because there is nothing that I can do. I feel like an asshole for abandoning my family in a sense. I feel stuck because I cannot help MORE. I cannot save everyone, but given the opportunity, I would. I would absolutely save these kids. There is no question in my mind that they would already be WITH me if I was at home. I am, and this situation is, the ONLY option that these kids have left.

The last time this happened was in 2005. We had 9 people in a two bedroom mobile home with one bathroom. This time, we will have 10 people in a four bedroom two bath apartment. I think we can handle it. She just needs to GET here now.