The packers spent their first full day here today.

They packed up both the kids' rooms, which we were prepared for. They packed both the hall and the linen closet, which we were also prepared for. We were not as prepared to have the dining room done, or the storage closet on the porch, but we managed okay. We absolutely were NOT prepared to have the living room done.

After they left, we realized that some things got picked up that should not have and unfortunately we had a major crisis when they packed up some of the man's medication. Which I quickly diverted when I found the RIGHT box, on the first try and found his pills inside.

But the evening still ended in tears.

Somehow they managed to pack up my favorite and BRAND NEW pair of slippers that I planned on wearing for most of the ride to Texas. I cried. A lot.

The man promised we would go to Walmart and get me a new pair since we won't see mine for at least three weeks, but it's not the same and it's not okay. I need them RIGHT NOW. And they are packed in a damn box somewhere. Obviously the pregnant hormones got the best of me. And I cried pitifully.

And now my feet are cold.

I packed up most of the Master bathroom tonight, the stuff that is left in there needs to stay, unfortunately, and come with us in the truck. We HAVE to have a shower curtain for the three more nights we will be staying here LOL

The Master bedroom is MOSTLY ready to be packed now. I have all my stuff together or in a bag, ready to go into the bathroom in the morning.

The man, on the other hand, hasn't done SHIT as far as packing himself. And it's 10pm. I don't know when he plans on DOING it.

Our bedding is going to stay on the bed for another two nights, then get washed and put back in the bag that we bought it in, and taken to the new place. We will be putting it on our super high air mattress when we get to Texas, since we will be sleeping in the house for almost a week before they come to deliver our stuff. Everything else in the room will basically get packed around us.

I broke down the desktop computer tonight, there was so much dust in the back that I had to stop twice just to take a breather. It's funny, because we have sprayed it out with compressed air religiously like I've been taught to, but it literally just builds up on the floor and the wall behind the desk anyway.

Besides the Master bed and bath, the kitchen and the laundry room are the only two places left to be taken care of.  It's certainly happening a lot faster than we thought it would.

Anyway, I'm exhausted, even though I just babysat movers today and I have a feeling that I won't be getting any sleep until MUCH later since the man hasn't done HIS shit yet. >:-{

Movers are coming....

Tomorrow morning the movers are coming.

They will be here between 8:30 and 9:30.

I am a ball of hormones. And tears.

Not just about strange people touching all my crap and being in my house and up in my shit. But about moving to Texas.

I'm not ready for this.

I'm not ready to leave my family and move half way across the country, 2500 miles.

I am, and I'm not.

I mean, I'm ready to start fresh. I'm ready for a new part of my life, OUR LIVES, to begin. I'm ready for sunshine and outside time.....summer for 9 months out of the year instead of rain. Because you know, for the other three months, instead of snow, it's just too hot to function. Thank god for Central Air. I am ready to leave the yucky past behind. 2500 miles behind, and never hear of it again.

I'm not ready for change. I don't handle change well. I'm not ready to change doctors. I'm not ready for the kids to change schools. I'm not ready to not be able to go to Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties. I'm not ready to not be able to go have lunch with one of my friends that is so awesome she is better than a sister. I'm not ready to not have the prospect of having coffee with a friend. I'm not ready to not be able to call my mom up and say "I have an emergency, I need you to watch the baby/kids".

I am scared. Of newness. Of Change. Of not knowing the cultural, regional laws, rules, expectations.

I am scared of adventure. Of leaving the safety of my home.

Of starting OVER.

Now do this pregnant, medically fragile, with four kids, one of them a baby, and one of them seriously emotionally challenged.

I thought I was going to have my mom with me to help me feel okay about this along the way. I thought that someone who wasn't staying would be able to hold my hand for a little while and ease the emotional strain, or at least, help me control it. But she's not going to be there now. For space issues, for financial issues, for work issues. I get it. It's okay. I'm a big girl.

Now I'm just a sobbing mess and I'm not sure I will not be a sobbing mess off and on for the next two weeks.

At least until it sinks in that I'm okay, that it's all okay. That this move is meant to be, the way it IS meant to be.

For now, I'm just going to lay here and stare at the wall for a little while.....probably until I fall asleep....because I'm so emotionally drained and exhausted from all the 'pack the crap you don't want the movers to pack and put it in the bathroom 'runaround'" that I can't function any more tonight.

Although, I do kinda want to eat again. I'm always so damn hungry. I hate this 'diabetic' crap. I want a foot long roast beef and provolone subway sandwich on wheat, with lettus, tomato, pickles, olives and cucumbers. With oil and vinegar.

And some god damned cheesecake.